Honesty
by octobersky69
Summary: Maura opens up about her feelings to Jane. Jane panics and pulls away, Maura reevaluates her life.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well I am back from a much needed break. Life is back to normal and I am very thankful to all of you for your kind words. I am moving on from my previous story line, Abandoned and Our Journey will be it for that universe. I needed to move onto something else, so I hope you will enjoy my new story. I have a few new ideas so more stories will follow after this one as well.**

**This story will be a bit AU in that it will mainly take place out of Boston. It is filled with a great amount of angst, but in the end things will work out, one way or the other. I have the first 7 chapters finished so far, with only a few to go. So the story will be finished up by chapter 10. **

******I would love to hear what you think about this story! So feedback is greatly welcome******

Chapter 1

It was a calm but very cool autumn morning. I had awoken just before the alarm was to go off at 5am. I guess my eternal clock was functioning well these days, meaning I was getting just the right amount of sleep. Which was amazing considering how busy my life had become. My joints were a bit achy from the change in barometric pressure, an early sign that arthritis was just around the corner for my aging body. I opted for Yoga this morning instead of my usual morning jog, it was a little too early for that. By 6am I was showered, dressed and waiting for my bagel to pop out of the toaster.

With Bagel and Fresh brewed hazelnut coffee in hand, I took a seat in my sun room, where I had a few open windows. The fresh smell from last nights rain still lingering in the air, I really love this time of year. As I sat there, I allowed myself to think back on the past year and how I had ended up living here in Vermont.

Not only was I living in a new place, but just prior to settling down here, I adopted two of the most beautiful children in the world. Okay, so I am biased, but they have become my everything.

William Isles is 6 months old, he has light brown hair, big brown eyes, is about 18 lbs now and with being 28.5" long already, he will sure grow to be a very tall man someday.

Amelia Isles is 10 months old, she too has light brown hair, but with a tint of red. Her eyes are a bright blue, with a hint of green every now and then. She weighs 20 lbs and is 28" tall which is average for a girl her age.

I have been their mother officially for the past 5 ½ months. I helped to deliver William and was the very first person to hold him. It was love at first site, even with the circumstances being so dire at the time of his birth. I met Amelia around the same time, while William was being cared for in the NICU at Boston's Children's Hospital. She was being cared for in the same unit, but for different reasons.

My life had begun to change several months prior to meeting these beautiful angels. I had begun to realize that my best friend, Jane Rizzoli, and I were drifting apart. We had been inseparable up until one night almost a year ago. We had been sitting on my couch watching a movie and enjoying a bottle of wine, when I expressed how I was very content in my life. I had gone on to explain to Jane that I could see us in later years doing just what we were doing. That I loved her and that she was all I needed. Jane being Jane, took this to mean that I wanted to pursue a relationship with her and quickly rambled on about her not being gay and how she couldn't believe that I never told her I was. She couldn't believe that I assumed that she was. Which I had not done. After her tirade, I was able to calm her down and explain that I knew she was not gay and that I was not trying to imply I wanted a sexual relationship with her. I knew better than to think she would ever acknowledge her feelings for me. I explained that although I did love her, was in love with her, that I knew she and I were not to be. I had only meant that this was enough for me in my life, her friendship. That night Jane seemed to be okay with it all, but I soon saw her slowly pull away. She started to invite her brother over for our movie nights, the guys out to the bars when we went, and her mother when we would go out to dinner and a show. It didn't take this genius long to figure out that I had ruined our dynamic that night, I should have known better than to have opened up to Jane.

Soon Jane was excepting every and any date that Angela was willing to set her up with. She even tried to reach out to her old boyfriends like Agent Dean, Joey Grant and even Casey who she had dumped a month ago. But as it turned out Dean and Grant had both moved on and Casey was still a career Army Man and didn't want to take that road again.

It was very difficult for me to come to terms with the reality of it all, but I was not about to let my life be ruined by being turned down by Jane. Yes, it hurt immensely, when you fall for someone as hard as I had, then its not going to be an easy transition back to happiness. However, I was not going to force myself on someone who made it so obvious that they were not interested.

I wrote Jane a letter stating that I was sorry for making her uncomfortable and that I understood her actions to mean we were no longer to be best friends. I also told her that I was not willing to kick her mother out, so she and I would need to at least be able to get along as acquaintances outside of work, where I promised to maintain professional relationship.

I then decided that I needed to get my priorities in life straightened out. I needed to figure out what it was that would make me happy, if I could no longer have Jane in my life. I decided that I didn't want to get into the dating scene, I didn't want a husband or a wife. I also didn't want to cheapen myself with one night stands. I could never give my heart to another, when I had already given it to Jane. So where did that leave me? I couldn't go back to being alone in this world. The years with the Rizzoli's in my life showed me that family and togetherness was something that I truly needed in my life.

Ever since TJ was born my maternal clock had been ignited, but I always talked myself out of it for may reasons. Not Married, Time Consuming Occupation, Wouldn't be good enough. Then I just pushed the thoughts aside for another day. Well today must be that day. In my heart I knew I wanted to be a mother. Why should I wait, I had originally thought it would be with Jane, but that was not to be, so why couldn't I do this on my own? I would make a great mom, I had so much love to offer a child and if need be I was well enough off that I didn't have to work. This is what I was going to do. I was going to adopt a child and give them a chance at a good life, just as Constance and William Isles had done. Except I was going to show him/her just how much I loved them on a daily basis.

The very next morning I spoke with my attorney and set things in motion. After a few days everything seemed to be going well. I had to contact my parents and let them know of my intentions. The courts would require a few letters from family showing their support and proving that I had a family support system. It was also to show that if for some reason something happened to me, that my child would have someone to care for them. They were very excited to hear of my news and went on and on about how they had thought the day would never come for them to be grandparents. It was so wonderful to hear this from them. I asked Angela if she was willing to write a letter of support as well, and her reply involved a bone crushing hug, words of excitement at a chance for more grandchildren and a promise that she would always be there for me, even if her daughter was being a complete ass.

The following week the courts set up time to visit my home to ensure it was conducive to raising a child. Then they interviewed a few neighbors, Angela, Susie and Lt. Cavanaugh at work. I just hoped that they would not interview Jane, I would be afraid to hear what she might say. I also had not told her of my intentions, and Angela promised to keep it to herself until the next Family Dinner, where I planned to tell everyone. By Friday the process was over and I was officially cleared to become an adoptive parent. Now I just needed to contact Children Services and set aside time to meet some available children.

Work had been extremely busy, we had multiple cases that seemed to have no end in site. Two Sunday dinners had been canceled since most of us were at the precinct working overtime. By Tuesday of the next week Jane and her team wrapped up the cases and it seemed like we were going to get a lull for awhile, so Angela called for an impromptu Wednesday night dinner. It would include all of the Rizzoli's as well as Frost, Korsak, and Cavanaugh. Since I was caught up at work I took off early to help Angela prepare the food.

6 pm rolled around and everyone was seated for dinner. The table was filled with small talk conversations from every end. Once the meal was completed and dishes were cleared away, I served beer and wine to everyone and we sat in the living room area. That is when I decided to share my news. Everyone seemed excited about the prospect of me becoming a mother, especially Vince and Sean, who had designated themselves honorary grandfathers. The one person whose reaction I was not expecting to be as bad as it was came from Jane. She stood up, took one look at me and said, "This is a mistake, you have no clue what you are getting yourself into." Then she walked out the front door.

No one knew what to say at that moment, but I assured everyone that I was fine. If Jane wanted to be a sourpuss then that was her prerogative, it would not sway me from my happiness.

Early the next morning a call came in that would change my life forever. The scene was very reminiscent of Hoyt. A husband murdered and a wife missing. We soon learned that the wife had been found in the backyard shed and the officers were calling for a doctor. I rushed to the backyard to find that the wife was pregnant and my medical prediction was that she was close to full term. I quickly examined her and found that she had been stabbed multiple times and her throat had been recently slit, within 2 minutes I had guessed based on the amount of blood I saw. The officers and detectives realizing the killer was not far, began a grid search, while I attended to the victim. The women was bleeding out and I could not save her. Korsak had stayed behind to help me in anyway he could, and he was the one to put a hand on my shoulder to make me see that I could not save her, no matter how hard I tried. I then turned my attention to the baby who still had a chance. I performed an emergency c-section and delivered the baby boy.

The detectives had caught the killer and I headed to the hospital with the newly born infant. Korsak had searched for family for this little guy, but his parents were only children so no aunts or uncles were in the picture. He searched further and found that they had no living immediate family. The child was to become a ward of the state. I knew in my heart that this was meant to be, and I called my attorney to begin filing paperwork. Within 2 days of his birth a judge had signed off on my adoption petition. Being an Isles still carried some weight in this town. I named him William after my father. William had been born almost 2 months premature, so his lungs had not fully developed. He would need to stay in the NICU for at least 3 weeks.

I spent my time between work and the hospital, I was getting my office in order for my temporary replacement so that I could take time off to care for William once I was able to bring him home. I decided to not place Dr. Pike as my replacement for the benefit of Korsak, Frost, Frankie and of course Susie. Personally I no longer cared what affected Jane.

Angela was very happy for me, she came to visit William as often as she could and took on the role of Nona. Sean came along with her on a few occasions and his face brightened up as he held him. Even though I would be raising this guy without them having a father, I knew that he would have lots of strong male role models in his life. Vince, Tommy and Frankie all came by as well. The Uncles bought him his first Red Sox Jersey and Baseball Glove. Something that I had thought Jane would have done, but she never came to visit.

During my time in the NICU I came to know and befriend many of the nurses and even the parents who were there with their babies. I learned that a little baby girl who was 4 months older than William was also a ward of the state. She had been born premature and had been left outside a church in Plymouth, Massachusetts. The local hospital had life flighted her to Children's Hospital because of their top notch NICU. After a few hours I called my attorney again and once again arranged an adoption. This one took a few more days to ensure that no immediate family members could be found. A week later I was now the mother of 2 infants.

On my last day of work Jane came to my office to see me. She closed the door to the office and soon became very irate. She said she could not understand what had come over me, why I had literally jumped at being a mother, and not just to one child but two. She told me I was being unfair to these babies, that they deserved to grow up in a normal home life, with two loving parents. That they were not just some pawns that I could use to fill a hole that she felt I had. She wanted to know if I was only doing this because of what happened between her and I. She told me that her Ma would never truly be their Nona, because she was not my blood mother, she was not my mother at all. She said she wondered if the guys would still be supportive if they knew that I was secretly in love with her, a woman. She said if her mother knew that she would disown me in a heartbeat, that it was against her religion.

I was shocked to say the least. How dare she accuse me of using these children. I knew right then and there that we had no hope in being friends of any kind. She was shocked when I told her that Frost and Korsak knew that I was open to both sexes. She was even more shocked to hear that Angela and Frankie were both okay with it, that Frankie even knew that I was in love with her. That the only thing Frankie was upset about was that he didn't have a chance with me. I told her how I actually felt sorry for her. That she was a fool for throwing away what had been a great friendship. That she was too afraid to admit that she was in love with me as well, that she was a coward and that it was her loss. I went on to confidently tell her that she would never find anyone who could ever love her the way that I did. That no one else would ever except her for who she was like I did. That William would now miss out on having a relationship with his Aunt Jane, because she was a fool. That was the last time I talked to Jane.

2 days later I resigned from my job as Chief Medical Examiner, asked Angela to move into the main house and take care of it for me. Maybe one day I would return, but no time soon. I promised her that once I was settled I would let her know where and that she could come and visit. The same was said to Frost, Frankie, Tommy, Vince and Sean. I let her know that even though Jane and I were no longer friends that I still considered her family and that I knew she loved these babies too. Angela was happy to hear this and told me how she had been worried that I would cut her out our lives. I assured her that as long as she wanted to be included in my life that I would be most happy. I then loaded up my newly bought Mercedes Gl Class SUV, and headed to Vermont. I wanted to get out of Boston, out of Massachusetts. I wanted to raise my children in a small town, away from my old memories.

I had a good idea where I wanted to look at real estate, it wasn't like I just jumped in my car for destination unknown. I had it narrowed down to central Vermont, and to a few towns. One town I had thought would be a good match was Norwich, Vt. They had a wonderful Science Museum in town which had received the Certificate in Excellence, and of course they were home to King Arthur Flour. The towns population was right around 3500 people, which was something that I was looking for. I was tired of the big city life and wanted my children to grow up safe in a small town.

The plan was to spend time in the 3 towns that I was debating as well as look into the schools, homes and possible job opportunities. I was not in any hurry for the job part, I was set financially, but I knew that I needed to keep my mind healthy as well, so either a job or a hobby would be a need in the future. Right now I wanted to get my self into a routine as a mother.

Besides Norwich, I was also considering Woodstock, Vt, population 3,000 and neighboring Quechee, Vt, population 650. They were so close that I had just put them together. The 3rd town was an hour north of the other towns, St. Johnsbury Vermont. It had the largest population, at 7,600 people. However it also was home to a Planetarium, Art and History Museums, a free library and a community arts center. All of which would be great for my children got older.

Besides wanting a small town, having a big yard was also important. So with all of my prerequisites in mind, I had set out to find a place to stay and then I contacted a local realtor. Within a week I had narrowed down my search to 3 properties. I ended up choosing a beautiful contemporary home in Barnet, Vt, Population 1700 and just 9 min south of St. Johnsbury. The home has 5 bedrooms and 4 ½ baths and sits on 26 acres. Most of which are woods. The view of the mountains was absolutely breathtaking, an ideal place to raise my children I decided.

Enough with the journey as to how I got here, I live for the future and not the past. I continued to sit in the sunroom for the next hour, just enjoying the quiet. William and Amelia would be up soon enough. They were both exceptional sleepers and today they were about to have a big day ahead of them. Their Nona was coming to visit for a few days. I had not seen Angela since I left 5 months ago. We talked at least once a week and texted every now and then, never once bringing Jane into the conversation. Frankie and Tommy had been up for a weekend to help me get the house squared away for the coming winter months. They chopped enough wood for 3 winters, but it had been good to have them around. I knew that I was not alone. My parents were planning a long visit from Thanksgiving until the New Year, and I was really excited for them to finally meet their grandchildren.

As for Jane, I was sorry for how our friendship ended, and I didn't wish ill will on her. I truly hoped she was happy and safe. The children kept me occupied for most of my days, but every now and then I had moments of free time where I would think back on our time together, and found that I truly missed her. My home has many pictures displayed of her and I together, I could never rid my life of her completely, because she had been the best thing to ever happen to me. I would raise my children to know who she was, even if she was no longer a part of my life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

7:15am, Amelia was the first to awake, by the time I had her changed, dressed and sitting in her highchair with her cereal, sounds of William waking were coming through the baby monitor. I scooped Amelia up in my arms and headed up to get William. I was a pro at carrying them both around, and once William was also changed and dressed we headed down to get breakfast taken care of.

Angela had sent a text around 7:45 letting me know that she was on the road and that she should arrive around 10:30 am as long as the traffic in Boston cooperated. That left me a few hours to get things done. William and Amelia who I had begun to call Billy and Emma for short, were both in their swings, while I got some washing done and tidied up the house. When I was done I placed Billy and Emma on their activity centers. Billy's was a mat which had a piano pad at the end of his, that he loved to kick while trying to pull at the animals that hung down for him. Emma's was a saucer that encouraged leg work to help with learning to walk. It also was musical so the house was filled with many sounds. I still had Bass, so this was his time to spend outside in his enclosure.

10:35 and the sound of the door bell, my heart quickened at the thought of seeing a familiar face. I don't know why, but all of a sudden I was quite nervous. I had just put William down for a nap 10 min ago, and only needed to scoop Emma up into my arms as I made my way to the door.

Angela was her usual burst of energy. She immediately swept me into a side hug and was giving kisses to Emma's cheek, while my baby girl responded with giggles.

"Hello Maura, it is so good to see you. You look lovely as ever. Here let me take this little one off your hands, and where is my grandson?"

I was beaming, I couldn't help myself, it just felt so good to have Angela there.

"It is so good to see you Angela, I have missed you so much. As for your grandson, Billy just went down for a nap and this little Angel will need to go down soon as well. Let me take your bags and show you to your room and then you can put her down in her crib. Then we can have some time to ourselves to catch up."

Angela followed Maura and as she did she took in the house. It was so different from the home Maura had in Boston. Yes, it was still elegant in a certain way, but it wasn't filled with her artsy stuff. The home was cozy, and looked very well lived in. The guest bedroom was made up very country like with a sitting area near a bay window that overlooked the mountains. Once Maura had set down my bags they headed to Emma's room.

Angela walked into the room and was completely amazed. Maura had outdone herself. Their was a deep pink accent wall, while the remaining three wall were a lighter shade of pink. The crib was pink and white with painted flowers. The floor was covered in a plush shag carpet that was several shades of pink and on top of that carpet was a girls play rug. Two mobiles hung in the room, one by the crib with pink unicorns hanging down and another near a rocker that Maura must rock her to sleep in, which had pink and white turtles hanging down.

Maura took Emma from Angela's arms and gave her kiss on her forehead and gently laid her down and covered her up.

"Get some rest my sweet girl, momma loves you." Then she turned and led Angela into the kitchen.

"Maura, that room is beautiful. This house is so beautiful and the views are just so spectacular."

"Thank you Angela, I am very happy here. I think the children will benefit greatly from growing up here."

Angela could see she was happy, but yet there was something else in the tone of her voice. Something she was going to figure out while she was here. Back home in Boston, her daughter Jane was miserable, and was making everyone around her miserable. Angela was here for several reasons, but the first was to catch up with her surrogate daughter.

"Motherhood looks good on you Maura. Did it take long for you to get settled into a routine with the babies?"

Maura smiled at Angela's comment and handed her a mug and plate, "Here Angela, I made us some coffee and turkey sandwiches. Why don't we go sit in the sun room and talk there."

Once settled Maura finally answered Angela's previous question. "The routine sorta just fell into place. They are both such wonderful sleepers, and have such sweet dispositions. I guess I am just very lucky. It has been very easy."

Angela then asked, "So, do you go into town much? Have you met your neighbors or made any friends yet?"

Maura went on to answer all of Angela's questions regarding her new life, while evading the undertone of her questions. Angela was not dumb, but didn't want to push her this early on, maybe tomorrow she would broach the subject of Jane.

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent with the children. They took them in their stroller to the town square and later on they watched as the babies played on their mats. Once dinner and baths were taken care of, they put the children down for the night.

Maura opened up a bottle of wine for them to share and they went outside to the back porch to enjoy the star filled sky and went for small talk about Tommy, TJ and Lydia. By 10pm they ended the night and headed for bed.

The next morning Angela helped Maura get the kids ready for the day and then they sat in the great room drinking their second cup of coffee while watching them play. William was on his belly working on his pushups and scooting himself around in a circle. Emma had crawled over to him and as she did he turned to look at her. All of this was being captured by a video camera which Maura had mounted in the corner of the room. Once Emma made her way to Billy, she turned and decided to crawl over to the couch where her Momma and Nona were. Billy decided that he was going to follow and sure enough he crawled successfully for the first time.

Emma was not be outdone by her brother, she crawled right up to the coffee table, pulled herself up into a standing position and made her way wobble walking all the way to her Nona. She was so proud of herself and so was her Momma. Emma squealed in delight, as Angela cheered her on, scooped her up and into lap and gave her sloppy wet kisses.

Time flew by, next thing we knew it was time for baths and bedtime for the children again. Once we settled back in the living room, the talk I knew would eventually come from Angela took place.

"Maura I know you may not care about Jane anymore and you have every right to be upset with her, but will you at least hear me out and let me tell you how she has been since you left?"

I took a large unladylike gulp from my wine before replying, "I do not hate Jane, I never did. I am disappointed in her behavior and the horrible things she said to me. I think in hindsight I am more upset with myself than her. I should never have told her my feelings, had I not, well I think I would be raising my children in Boston. But things happen for a reason, and even though I miss you all, I love it here. I do miss the close bond of friendship that we had, but once I opened my mouth to share how I felt, that was the end of that. I didn't expect her to proclaim her undying love for me, I wasn't expecting her to jump into a relationship with me. I has only been trying to convey how happy I was with the way my life was going. I never thought she would react the way she did."

I took another long sip this time and continued, "You are her Mother Angela, I have just been fortunate that you have been kind enough to stay in my life. Truthfully I thought you would have sided with her long ago as you did when the warehouse shooting took place. I am water after all that will never change. I am just thankful that you didn't pull away and that my children have you as their Nona. "

Yes I was avoiding what Angela wanted to tell me, so I finally got up the nerve to listen. "I am willing to hear what you have to tell me about Jane. If she is ever sick or injured I would hope that you would tell me, I still care and would be a support if she ever wanted me to be. However if this is something that Jane would not want you to share, then you probably shouldn't"

Angela had been listening intently for the last few minutes and she seemed to be weighing how to start. After downing her whole goblet of wine she began.

"The day you left Jane came to me and told me what happened between you two. I think she expected me to take her side as you had thought I would. She got a big surprise though when I told her that I believed she was in love with you, but was too pigheaded to see it or admit it. I also told her that she just lost her best chance at a very happy life. That whoever she would settle down with or if she even did settle down, she would probably end up very lonely."

I needed to have Angela answer one question for me, so I apologized for interrupting her and asked,

"Why do you support a relationship between two women? That was one thing that I noticed shocked Jane the most. She felt being Catholic would make you turn your back on me."

Angela smiled at me and replied, "I may be Catholic but that does not mean I agree with everything the church says. I have a Catholic Faith, I believe in saints, souls and heaven. I believe that my God loves all of his children and that he wants us to lead good lives, where we love one another and take care of our family, friends and neighbors. I do not believe that he would judge someone for who they loved. I do believe that we all have a better half out there. Frank was not my better half, yes he gave me 3 beautiful children and for that I will always be thankful. However, I feel like I was given a second chance at finding my soul mate. I am not dead yet, and I can still love. Its been a long time since I was as happy as I am right now with Sean. But we are getting off topic."

I excused myself to get the wine bottle so that I could refill our drinks, while Angela got her thoughts back to where she needed to. Once I filled our glasses, Angela begun again.

"So anyways, Jane was surprised at my words, then began questioning my setting her up with men. Well to be honest to you as well as her, I may have thought you were the best for her, but I also knew my Janie. She was always afraid of the stigma that a female cop was most naturally gay, that she did everything in her power to shut that down. From the time she started the academy all the way 'til she made detective in homicide. She was the brunt of so many jokes and comments that she built a thick wall and made sure that she was never seen that way. I had my suspicions back when she was in high school when Tommy claimed to have seen her kissing a girl, but she denied it and accused Tommy of making the whole thing up to get back at something she did. I am not saying that Janie is gay, I am just saying I think she denies that she could be open to a relationship with a woman."

Angela took another sip of her wine and then began again as I listened carefully to what she was saying.

"Jane has been in a bad place since you left and since she heard what I had to say. She has been shirking her responsibility at work and has been coming to work late and hungover for the past week. Sean finally had to order her to take time off, or else he would put her desk duty. Frankie has tried to talk to her but she won't listen to him. Tommy was the only one who seemed to get through and she admitted that she missed you so much and that she was drinking to take away the pain. She said that she cannot get your face out of her mind, that she has been watching documentaries just to get some google back into her life. Tommy asked her why she doesn't just call you. She said that she hurt you badly and that she didn't deserve forgiveness. That you moved on with your life and there was no room for her in it anymore. He tried to tell her that she was being foolish, that it was Maura that she was talking about. Maura the woman who had the biggest heart in the world. Her response of course was that she took that big heart of yours and ripped it to shreds. Tommy wanted me to tell you that he heard her crying in his spare room that night. She kept saying over and over, Maura I wish I had told you that I was in love with you too. I lost my chance and now you will belong to someone else soon."

I couldn't help but cry as Angela spoke. It broke my heart to hear that Jane was falling apart from my departure. One would think that I would relish in it because of how she pushed me aside when I was there, but I still loved her too much to think such a petty thing. I was the one who opened the can of worms. Had I slowly brought it up, talked it through before blurting out that I was in love with her, then maybe we could have worked it out together. Instead I scared her away. Maybe there could be hope for us. Maybe we could be best friends again. Maybe we could be more someday. One thing was for sure though, my children had to come first now.

"Angela, how much time off has Sean given to Jane? Do you think it would be possible to have Tommy drive her up here? I know she won't come on her own, but maybe if we came up with a ruse, then we could. I would very much like to talk with her, to try to at least salvage our friendship. I don't know if Jane will ever be comfortable with more than that, and that is not even my focus right now. I don't want to see Jane ruin her life over this, I could never forgive myself."

Angela who had been wiping her own tears away, shook her head to acknowledge what I wanted her to do. Once she was able to collect herself she said, "Yes, I can call Tommy to do that. We will need to come up with something believable though. Will you want me to stay still, or should I go back with Tommy and leave my car for when she goes back? That's if we can get her here."

I shook off my tears, there was no time for that. "I think you should stay, I think if we can get her ehere maybe she would be more comfortable, and if the need arrives where we need to be alone to talk, Billy and Emma will have their Nona to watch over them."

We talked a bit more as to how to get Jane to come here and then we headed to bed for the night. Tomorrow morning we would call Tommy.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for all of the positive reviews. It makes me really happy.

To the Guest reviewer Jo, I wish I could PM you personally to thank you for all of your kind words, From this story as well as my others.

Chapter 3

Jane's POV

(Sitting on Maura's Couch 8 months earlier)

Oh my God, am I hearing her right, she loves me, she is in love with me. What the fuck? Why is she saying this? Why would she ruin what we had? Everything was great in our life, but now she had to ruin it, she had to put things into words and feelings. I feel like I cannot breathe right now. I know she is still talking, but I just can't focus. I had to get out of there so I pushed her hands away and stood up abruptly. Then I began yelling at her, "I am not gay Maura, how the hell did this happen? How could you assume that I was gay? I date men Maura. You date men." She tried to reach out and touch me, to calm me down, but I couldn't let her do that. "No, don't you dare touch me, now that I know what your intentions are, no never touch me again." Then she slapped my face to get me to pay attention to her, she said that I wasn't listening to her, that she was not wanting a relationship, that she was only conveying her feelings and her happiness in life. Things didn't have to change. So I tried to calm down and we finished watching the movie.

(The next day)

I didn't spend the night over at Maura's, I told her I had to take Jo Friday out, that Frankie wasn't able to. It had been a lie, but I just couldn't stick around, not after all she had said. My mind went to the fact that she admitted she was in love with me. How could things stay the same? I had hidden my feelings for her away. I knew that I could never act on them because well I wasn't gay and well honestly I couldn't be gay. It was wrong in the churches eyes, not that I am overly religious, but I had my whole family to consider. I couldn't lose my family. Then their were my peers and my friends, even my job. I was in the news as Hero Cop, not Dyke Cop. I had worked hard to prove that I was not the stereotypical female lesbian working in a man's world. I saw the horrors on the job of how society treats the gays. I have nothing against their life style, but I am not strong enough to not worry about how others will view me if I were to be honest. Why did she have to bring it up? I thought we had an unspoken agreement. I mean we have been caring on as a couple for many years now. Just not with the sex. Was that it? Was she so sexually frustrated that she had to see if I would act on it? I thought she hooked up with one night stands to take care of that. Why couldn't she be happy with the cuddling and companionship? How am I going to face her again? I need to distance myself, I can never be alone with her again, because I don't know how I can keep up the farce.

(next week)

It had been weird to have Frankie and Tommy join us for our usual movie night, but I needed them there. I could be me with them around. I wouldn't have to worry about where to sit, or what it meant if I had wanted to cuddle with Maura. But when I looked at her, I could see the hurt I was causing, I was the one making a big deal out of what she confided in me. I just wanted to hold her, I wanted to be strong enough to tell her how I felt, but no that life is not for me. I am truly fucked up and she deserves someone who is able to show her and tell her how they feel. Why did she have to ruin it?

(few weeks have passed)

I received a letter from Maura basically saying we were no longer best friends, but that she was letting my Ma stay and that she and I would need to find a way to be civil around one another. Well that was it then, I needed to find a new friend. I let Ma set me up with whoever she wanted. I needed to find someone to take away the loneliness I am experiencing. Damn that Maura for taking away my comfortable place, she was my home. All I do is think of her and wish I could kiss her, make love to her. Now that I know I would have a chance, it is so much more painful than before. I used to be okay when I believed that she would never be with a woman, but now I know the truth. I am not gay, I cannot be gay. Why did she have to ruin it? These guys are all assholes. They treat me like a delicate lady, I don't need anyone to take care of me. I only want to take care of Maura. I wonder how she is, I haven't seen her in awhile. I avoid her, I won't stay in a room if anyone asks what happened between us. The times I have seen her, she looks good. Happy actually. How can that be? If she was in love with me, how has she been able to move on so quickly? I mean look at me. I can't sleep, I can't go 10 minutes without thinking of her. I am angry all of the time and yelling at people for no reason. How dare she move on like I meant nothing. She should be sad and miserable like me.

Maybe I need to see her, spend time with her, maybe I overreacted. That's it, I will go to this impromptu Wednesday night dinner that Ma is having and I will stay after and maybe we can be okay.

(Family Dinner at Maura's)

What the hell is she saying now? She is going to become a mom by adopting a child. Where the hell did this come from? She is replacing me with a child. She knows nothing about being a mom. She has a demanding job, when will she have time to take care of one. How selfish can she be? How can she think to use a kid to fulfill an emptiness that I obviously created. Why is everyone happy for her? Can't they see she is making a mistake? Wow, she just scored more points with Ma by giving her another grand kid. Wait a minute that's my Ma, not hers. I stood up and said, ""This is a mistake, you have no clue what you are getting yourself into." Then I walked out of her house and slammed the door.

(Crime Scene Call Out)

I didn't get much sleep since I got an early call out to a crime scene. As I drove there I still couldn't believe last nights events. I was still livid that Maura was moving on with her life without me. I mean she never even tried to talk to me about such a life altering decision. One day she is telling me she is in love with me, then the next she is starting a family. Was that her plan all along, to create an instant family? Wow I avoided a big bullet, I guess it is a good thing that I am a coward. I am not ready to be a parent, not sure I even want to be one.

(The next month)

Oh my God, she did it. She adopted that baby boy that she delivered. Frankie, Tommy, and Frost all have taken up Uncle duty with such enthusiasm. They say he is a great baby and that Maura has a glow about her. That they have never seen her more happy. Then they tell me she has now adopted another baby, a girl this time. Is she trying for sainthood? She is taking a leave of absence they said. Well good for her, Maura Poppins can go play mommy. I can't wait for her to realize the mistake that she has made.

(Maura's last day of work before leave)

I decide to go see Maura for the first time in weeks. As I make my way to her office all of the anger I have for how I lost my best friend, my everything, comes to the surface. I mean it is all her fault in my eyes. So I do what I do best, I lash out at her.

"What the hell do you think you are doing? Why so quick to jump into motherhood? Not only are you going to ruin one life, but now two. You are being selfish, they deserve a normal life, with two parents. They are not pawns Maura, they can't fill the void you think I caused you. Is that it Maura, I don't claim my undying love for you, so you go find 2 babies to give you love instead? Or are you trying to be the perfect daughter to Ma? I hear she is their Nona now. Well she is not your mother, she is my blood. How do you think she would react if she knew what you said to me? My mother is catholic you know, she may not be so supportive of you if she knew you loved a woman, her daughter no less. Then don't even get me started on the guys reactions. I could pull your whole made up family out from under you with three little words." I didn't get a chance to say more, she slapped me across the face with more force than I thought she had and told me off.

She left me standing in her office, completely bowled over. Ma was okay with her liking woman. Frankie knew she was in love with me. Korsak and Frost knew, and they didn't care. She had wanted me to be Aunt Jane to the children, not another Mommy. I am such a fool, I totally screwed this up. I am so insecure with my life and my feelings that I ruined the best thing in it. Maura did nothing wrong, it is all on me. I have said too many hurtful things and lied to her face, that there is no way that I can repair what I have done.

(Jane get's the news)

"Frankie, what do you mean Maura is gone?"

"She resigned Jane, she took the babies and she is moving out of state. I can't say that I blame her. She wants to get away from the stress that is in her life here. She wants to raise her children in a quiet place. She needs to start a new chapter."

I couldn't believe it she walked away from all of us, "But Frankie, what about Ma?"

"Really Jane, you think Maura would forget about her. She gave Ma the main house and I think Tommy and Lydia are going to move into the guest house. She told her once she gets settled that she will tell her where she is and that she would hope for her to come and visit, her and the babies. She didn't go to the other side of the world, just a few hours away. I still consider her to be my family too. I will be visiting her as well. The only one who has given up on her is you Jane."

I get pissed off at that last remark and do what I do best, I attack him with words. "Yeah, I am sure you will go visit, gonna try and get into her pants as well. Do you want that instant family Frankie? I know she told you that she is in love with me. So she could never love you as much as me. Go for it though, she needs someone to help her raise those babies, she can finally become a true Rizzoli for Ma. Oh and another thing, I am not gay!"

Frankie looked at me with such contempt and I deserved it. "You know what Jane, I feel sorry for you. You threw away the best thing to ever come into your life. And why? Because you are afraid to come to terms with who you really are? Your family loves you and we would never judge you for that. You have condemned yourself to this life. Maura deserves better, and maybe it should be me. I do love her, a lot actually. I am content to be her friend first though, Maura does not need to add any more to her plate now. She has two beautiful babies to care for, and a heart that needs to repair. In time, she will be okay again, and I intend to be there for her as a friend through it all. Who knows, if continue to be a coward, I may just have a chance."

(5 months since she left)

I was the one who had become a cyborg. I would either take sleeping pills or have enough beers to pass out in order to get any sleep, but I was not stupid enough to mix them. I was not out to kill myself, just trying to get through life. At first it didn't effect my job, but soon I was arriving late and then I was screwing up. I would miss obvious clues on cases, Frost and Korsak would cover for me the best that they could, but I could tell it was taking a toll on them. Ma tried to talk to me, but I pushed her away and avoided being around her. Then it was Frankie's turn, but I couldn't look at him, he wanted what I could no longer have. I think that hurt the most, because he was the better one for her. Frost and Korsak each had their go at me, they both tried to tell me that I just needed to go talk to her and to be honest for once. I got pissed at them as well, I mean did everyone know that we were in love with each other? Did they all know that I was the coward who broke her heart?

That evening I had to get away from everyone, so I headed to the commons to sit and think. I couldn't spend another night drinking, I was actually becoming sick of beer. I was also afraid to hit the hard stuff, I don't think I would ever recover from that. So here I was eating a take out dinner and drinking coffee as I watched families enjoy themselves in the park.

One group of kids caught my attention, they were playing basketball just like I had done with my brothers growing up. I noticed the woman sitting next to me was cheering them on and realized she must be the mom. I began a conversation with the lady when the it seemed like the daughter was being rougher than the sons were. I told her that was how I had been with my brothers. We introduced ourselves, her name was Beth, and continued to carry on a conversation. It felt good to talk to someone without it being an argument. I missed having someone to spend time with. I really missed Maura.

After about 10 minutes another woman came to sit with us, but before sitting down she leaned into Beth and gave her a chaste kiss and asked how the kids day at school had been. I found myself in awe of them. They were an open lesbian couple with children and no one else in the park seemed to be phased by it. I think Beth read something on my face and simply asked, "Is there a problem Jane?"

It took me a bit to answer her, and when I did I was shocked at how honest I was. I told her that I had been struggling with who I was of late, and that I had pushed the woman I loved away from me seven months ago because I was afraid of what people would say or do. That I spent so much of my life denying who I was that allowed fear to rule my heart and in turn I broke my friends. I even went on to say that even when I learned that my family and friends were okay with it, that I continued to hurt her with my words, because I was mad that she changed the dynamic of our friendship. I then told her and her wife that my life was empty now, and even though I thought I was ready to tell her how I felt, that I knew it was too late and that I didn't deserve to have her love me, even if she would take me back.

Beth's wife took their kids home in her car, while she lead me to hers. I was a complete mess, crying my eyes out to this stranger, but she was so kind and understanding. She reminded me of Maura, and she offered to drive me home and stay and talk to me for awhile. She said that maybe if I heard her story, that it may help me with my feelings.

After spending the next two hours listening to the story of how Beth and Sara met, I began to feel better about myself for the first time. I had spent so much time thinking about how others would perceive me, that I never took the time to think about how their were many same sex couples out there living their life with the same questions as I. Who had battled with coming out to their families as well. Some with happy stories like Sarah, and those who chose love over their family like Beth. I was able to go back and explain how Maura and I met and how our friendship came to be. I told her everything, including the shock at Maura adopting two infants. By the time we said goodnight and I thanked over and over for listening to me, she had given me her and Sara's phone number and told me to call either of them if I felt the need to talk more. She told me to be brave and to at least try and talk with Maura. See if I could save our friendship first and foremost.

The next day my head was spinning with everything that Beth told me. For the first time on months I felt like maybe I had a chance to fix things, that maybe I could get my best friend back, and maybe I was ready to tell her the truth about how I felt. Then I heard that Ma was going to go visit Maura next week, that Frankie had been to see Maura the previous weekend with Tommy and how they had helped her out. That sent my mind down the wrong path again and as much as I tried to stop it, I found myself back to drinking and messing up. By the time Ma left to see Maura, I had been put on a forced vacation. I went to see Tommy and unloaded once again on how I felt. He told me the same thing Beth had, that I should talk with her and be honest. I just could not get the image of Frankie and Maura together out of my head. I know it was foolish, but I truly believed that she deserved so much better than me. I was the one to create all of this drama from a few little words. That night I stayed at Tommy's and cried myself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

(Maura's POV)

I woke up a little later than usual this morning, it must have been the emotional talk with Angela mixed with the wine. I found Angela in William's room getting him changed and dressed.

"Good morning Angela, did you sleep well?" I said as I made my way over to give my son a kiss this morning.

Angela turned at the sound of my voice and smiled as she answered, "yes I did, it is so quiet here at night. Not like back in Boston with all of the sirens, trucks and even harbor sounds."

We made our way to Emma's room and I got her ready. Then we headed to the kitchen where Angela already had breakfast ready to go. We placed the children in their highchairs and we each helped one of them eat. Once they were fed, they went into their playpen, while we ate our breakfast and talked.

"So Maura, have you decided what we should tell Tommy?" Angela had asked.

I couldn't help but smile, Angela was always very direct when she wanted to know something. No small talk for her. "Actually Angela, I think I am going to have him be truthful with her. Jane has never been one for deception and I don't want to bring her here under false notions. I would try and talk to her direct, but I am unsure as to how to begin with her. So I am going to have Tommy relay a message from me and see how that goes. If she decides not to come, then well I guess I will need to make a trip and see her instead."

Angela pursed her lips and nodded her head. "Yes, that would probably be best. I just hope she doesn't turn and run from you reaching out. Why don't I go clean up and spend time with the babies and you can go call Tommy in private."

I thanked Angela and after checking on Billy and Emma, I went to my room to call Tommy.

Tommy answered on the first ring.

"Hey Maura, is everything okay. Its kinda early in the morning." Tommy whispered.

I felt bad, I had not thought about the time of morning, and the fact that TJ could still be sleeping.

"I am sorry for the early call Tommy, I wasn't really paying attention to that. Your mother told me about the state that Jane is in and I want to try and help. I think it would be a good idea if she and I try to talk with each other. I would have tried sooner, but honestly I didn't think she wanted me in her life anymore. Angela said that she feels the same way about me, and I would like for you to convey a message to her. Then if you could text me her response, I will know what to do from there."

Tommy didn't say anything at first, I was concerned that maybe he had left the phone, but then he whispered again, "Yeah I can do that. I think if she hears from you it that it would help. So what do you want me to say? She isn't up yet though, she had a rough night last night, but its a good thing she is at least sleeping."

It was good to hear that she was sleeping, I knew how Jane could get when she was not rested. So I went on to tell Tommy what to say, and he promised that as soon as she was up he would tell her, and then he would text me to let me know what Jane's reaction was. I ended the call and went to join Angela and the kids.

(Later that morning back in Boston, Jane's POV)

I actually slept well for the first time in awhile. No headache and I felt refreshed, not sluggish as usual. I made my way to Tommy's guest bath and took a nice long hot shower, it felt really good on my muscles. Last night, even though I had a really good cry and beat myself up as usual, I realized that if I wanted a change I needed to do something about it. I needed to try no matter the outcome, because I didn't want to live life with a big what if sign hanging over my head.

When I stepped into Tommy's kitchen I saw that he had made me Pancakes, bacon and eggs. I never gave him enough credit for being a really great guy.

'Wow Tommy, you out did yourself, If I knew you made breakfasts like Ma , I would have been coming over here more." I laughed trying to take some tension out of the room. I knew Tommy was still concerned about me and how I had acted last night.

Tommy came over and pulled me into a hug, which I was surprised that I excepted. Usually I only allowed Maura to hug me. Boy what does that tell a person. "I love you Janie, and I thought you could do with a good meal, to follow what I hope was a good nights sleep."

I pulled out of his hug and replied, "yeah I did Tommy. I feel really good this morning, and I think I am ready to try and talk to Maura. At least to clear the air and see if we can salvage our friendship. I would like a chance to get to know her children too. If she will let me that is."

I noticed Tommy had a real goofy grin on his face, so I wanted to know what was up.

"What's with the look Tommy?"

"I am just happy to hear you say that. You see I got a call this morning from Maura and she wanted me to give you a message." Tommy watched as Jane's face became a mixture of fear, excitement and shock.

He led me over to his couch and had me sit down, which was a good thing 'cause I was about to fall down. I had been ready to make an effort, but now my nerves got a better of me.

"Just relax Janie, she wants to see you. She misses you and when she heard that you missed her too, well she was shocked. Maura thought you never wanted to be in her life anymore, that's why you haven't heard from her. She didn't think you would ever forgive her. Personally I think you are both nuts, but that's just my opinion."

I was getting irritated with Tommy, I just wanted to hear what Maura's exact words were, not an overview, not his opinions. "Tommy just tell me what Maura's message was, word for word!"

I could tell Tommy was taken aback by my raised voice as he inched away from me on the couch and put his hands up in a defensive stance. "Alright Janie, just relax. She said, and I quote, It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited. Then she said if Jane doesn't get that then tell her this, (Tommy pulled out a piece of paper for this one) My heart has a hole that only you can repair. I ache for our friendship that once was, if for not having my children I would be but a lost soul. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and let go of the hurt I have caused you, then maybe there is still hope for us. If you want to see me, talk to me, fix our friendship, then please come see me. Take some time and visit. I will be waiting with open arms. No strings attached Jane, I will take whatever you are willing to give. If I am speaking off base, then let Tommy know and I will not contact you again. But please, if there is a chance to repair us, then come. Don't be afraid."

I was crying now, those damn unstoppable tears. She forgives me, how could she? Just like that. She is one in a million, how can I say no to that. I wiped my tears away and asked Tommy to give me her address.

"So that means you are going to go tell her how you feel right?" Tommy had asked me.

"I am going to go make things right. I am going to go get my best friend back first and foremost and meet her two babies. Then if she still wants me and things can be worked out between us, then yes I am going to ask her out for a proper date. But I am not stupid, things are different now. She is a mother with 2 children to consider. She is also living in another state. I don't know if I will fit into that life now. I have to take this one step at a time. I can't take back what I have done, I can only try and prove that I am worth the effort. Thank you Tommy, you really are a great brother. Wish me luck. Oh, and tell Frankie I am not a coward anymore. He will understand."

Once I had the info in hand I went home to pack. I decided that I would bring Jo Friday with me, I was sure he missed Bass. Before I got on the highway I stopped off to pick up something small for Maura's kids, I had never met them, but I heard they were really special. I knew my Ma would be there, and that was okay, it could allow Maura and I time to talk without the babies. If things went well, maybe I could stay for awhile after Ma went back home. In 3 hours I was going to see Maura, I was a nervous wreck.

(Back in Vermont, Maura's phone rings 10am)

I hear Tommy's ring tone, and rush to pick it up. "Hey Tommy, I thought you were going to text me."

"I actually wanted to hear your reaction when I told you that Jane went home to pack, she will be on her way to see you. I would say you will see her sometime between 2 and 3 pm. She is really nervous but extremely excited as well. I wish you both the best, and give Billy and Emma a big kiss from their number 1 uncle."

I was somewhat shocked. I had really thought Jane would not react right away. I figured she would want to think about it. Wow she was really going to come. "Tommy thank you for everything, I don't want to seem rude, but I better go get things in order for her. I will have to go fix up the other guest room, and I better run out to see if I can find her favorite beer. Oh and then I will need bacon and a few steaks, maybe some meat for burgers." I knew I was rambling, but I was just so excited at the prospect of us being able to work things out. I knew I shouldn't be this ecstatic, but life is too short to not allow forgiveness. Jane deserved a second chance, so did I.

I said goodbye to Tommy, found Angela and filled her in, then while she helped get the guest room in order, I went into town to pick up a few things. When I returned I spent some time talking to Billy and Emma about Jane. I knew they really didn't understand what I was saying, but it felt good to share this news with them. Angela soon came in and joined me. She told me that I should calm down, that everything would work itself out. I knew she was right.

2:43 pm and the sound of the doorbell filled the air. I looked to Angela who was currently flipping the steaks that I had marinating. She told me to take a deep breath and then offered to answer the door for me. I assured her that I was alright and I would get it. I picked William up from his play mat, so that my hands were occupied, Emma was currently in her baby walker, which was by Angela in the kitchen.

I opened the door to find Jane looking just as nervous as I felt. I smiled at her and stepped aside so she could come in. I knew Tommy said she went home to pack, but I did not see any bags with her, just Jo Friday on his leash. "Hello Jane, it is good to see you. I am glad you came. Would you like me to help you with your bags?"

Wow Maura looked as beautiful as ever, motherhood really did agree with her. I knew I was staring, but I couldn't get my mouth to work, then I heard my mother call out from the kitchen about letting the flies in. I quickly snapped out of my daze. "Hi Maura, its good to see you too. I can get my bag later, would you like for me to put Jo Friday outside?"

"If you want to you can, Bass is out in his enclosure, I am sure he has missed him."

Just then Ma came in carrying the little girl and took Jo Fridays leash. "Hello Jane, I will take care of Jo, you can take Emma off my hands."

Then just like that I was holding Maura's daughter. I looked to Maura and I saw her trying to hold back a laugh as she smirked at me. I think Ma being here, may not be a good idea after all.

"So this is Emma, she looks just like you Maura, no one would ever guess she is adopted. And You must be William, you are such a big guy, for what 6 months old." I figured the best way to start was with talking about the children. Seemed like the safest route for now.

I was happy to see that Jane was showing interest in the kids, and Emma seemed very comfortable in her arms. "Jane why don't we go sit down in the living room, I am sure you are tired from the drive. I have a pot of coffee sitting in there for us. If you would like, you can just set Emma in her walker."

I was enjoying having this little girl in my arms, I wasn't sure why. Maybe it helped top calm my nerves to have her close, or maybe it was because she was just so darn cute. "If you don't mind and if Emma is okay with it, would it be okay if I held her for awhile?"

(Jane's POV)

Maura cocked her head to the side and then smiled at me with a bit of surprise in her face.

"You can hold if would like, I am sure she will be happy with the attention. She seems to have really taken with you. Her full name is Amelia Jane, I call her Emma for short. She is 10 months and 3 weeks old. I am not sure if you know her history, but she was abandoned outside a church in Plymouth, she was also a preemie like William, but only a month early. She had to be detoxed, apparently her birth mother was a heroin addict. The doctors do not foresee any future health problems."

I was shocked and became very choked up,"Maura, you gave her my name. Why?"

Maura came and sat next me and reached her free hand out to me and touched my arm."I wanted her to share in a name with someone who I have always thought to be strong, compassionate and fearless. I want her to grow up knowing all about Jane Rizzoli, the woman who saved me from myself."

Maura stood up and placed William into his playpen and then came back and took Emma from me and placed him with William. Then she came back and sat next to me. I was crying again, and she reached out and pulled me into a hug.

"It's okay Jane, let it out. We don't need to talk right now, we have all the time in the world to do that. When you are ready I will show you to your room, give you a quick tour of the house, then it will be time for dinner. One I am sure you will enjoy. Then this evening we can do whatever you would like. Then tomorrow Angela is going to be on Nona duty full time, so that we can have time to talk. How does that sound?"

I wiped the tears from my face and after a quick squeeze I pulled myself from her embrace. "That sounds like a good plan. I can't wait for dinner, I haven't had anything since breakfast. As for tonight, I'd like to spend it with your babies. I haven't held William yet, and well they need to get to know me too."

I could see Maura smile at my response, things were slowly becoming more comfortable.

"That sounds good Jane, and you can call him Billy if you would like. I named him after my dad, even though I call him Billy, I have a tendency to his full name more often than I do with Amelia. Go get your bags and then I will show you around."

(Maura's POV)

Jane went out to her car and I called for Angela to watch the kids while I showed Jane around the house. Angela said she would get them ready for an early dinner and start the steaks on the indoor grill.

By the time Jane and I made our way back to the kitchen, Angela had everything set up. Steaks, salads and smashed potato's and corn on the cob.

Emma was eating pasta, cut up fruit, some peas and toast chips. She was getting good at using her spork. Billy was still on pureed food, and tonight it was beef, sweet potato's and pears for dessert. I had become a pro at feeding him as I ate, but after he finished his meat, Jane had asked if she could feed him the rest of his dinner, so I smiled and let her have a go.

At first he looked at her like, your not my Momma or my Nona. Then after keeping his mouth tightly closed, she was able to coax him to open up. I laughed when she went with the "open up the hangar to let the plane fly in" William giggled through the rest of his meal. It felt really good to see Jane at ease with the kids. It wasn't fake, nor was it forced. It was natural.

The rest of the evening was spent playing with or watching the children. Angela turned in Early and allowed Jane to be the one who helped me give them a bath and get ready for bed. I had to watch myself though, it was becoming too easy for me to want this to be a regular thing with her. We still had so much to talk about, and I no longer lived in Boston. I found that my heart was aching just thinking about not having her around.

It was 8pm by the time the bedtime routine was over and we found ourselves alone together for the first time that day. I offered Jane a beer, but she declined and asked for a glass of water instead. I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie, but she declined and said the drive had caught up with her and if I didn't mind, she was going to turn in early. I think she may have been thinking about similar things as me, but I wasn't sure. I assured her that it was fine and that we both should get our rest for what might be a very emotional day. She smiled a little and agreed, we then went to our separate rooms for the night.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

(Maura's POV)

I had awoken rather early this morning. I think it must have been because of my very early night. I had turned in last night hoping to catch up on a book I was reading, but my body had other ideas and I had fallen asleep in no time.

I went to check on Emma, then Billy. They were both still sleeping soundly. I made my way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, and found I was not the earliest riser.

"Oh, good morning Angela. I see your body gave you an early wake up call as well."

Angela smiled at me and held out my coffee cup, I was sure going to miss her when she had to leave.

"Good Morning Maura, I take it you slept well. I thought I'd get started on breakfast, and keep it warm in the oven. I have a feeling Janie will be sleeping in a bit. With this quiet and the cool mornings, it is very easy to stay wrapped up in bed, and we both know she likes her sleep time."

I knew Angela was right and with her being up I figured I could get in a morning run, something that I hadn't been able to do in a long time. Yes, I jogged behind the kids stroller, but it wasn't the same as a good hard run. I used to do some of my best thinking when I ran back in Boston.

"Angela, would you mind listening for the babies while I got in a run?" I asked her, feeling a bit guilty that I was taking advantage.

Angela came over and gave me a hug, I think she sensed that I was a bag of mixed emotions this morning. So I honestly spoke to her, "I am feeling nervous about my pending talk with Jane. It is good to see her after all this time, and it felt like things went well yesterday. I know I am the one who reached out, I am glad that I did. I told her that I had forgiven her, and even though that is true, I can't seem to forget her words, and then I start to hurt again. Will we be able to get passed it Angela? I want to, really I do."

Angela held on stronger, if that was possible. "Oh Maura, Forgiving is the easiest part. Unfortunately one can never forget. The hurt will take time to go away, and once you girls talk and I mean talk it will get better, in time. You need to be completely honest with one another, no holding back. I think by not forgetting it makes you stronger, makes the fight for one another worth the effort. You both made mistakes, Jane more so though, and well we learn from our mistakes. Go get that run in and clear your head, everything will work itself out, one way or another. They say Love Conquers all and I know you both love each other. You will work it out. I have faith."

I gave Angela one last squeeze and went to change. Then I headed out for my run. Angela was right, we needed to be completely honest with one another. I am not the same person I was almost eight months ago when I professed my love to Jane. If anything and if it all possible at the age of 37, I grew up. Jane needed to be aware of who I was and what direction I was choosing for my life. I hope that she is not going to try and persuade me to move back to Boston, to my old job as a medical examiner.

That is just not who I am anymore.

I was back from my run by 7am, it had been really nice to spend sometime by myself. My whole body, although very sweaty at the moment, felt invigorated. I went straight to my room to take a quick shower. By the time I was done and entered the kitchen, both the kids were eating their breakfast with the help of Angela and Jane.

"Good morning Jane, Angela. I'm sorry I took so long, I didn't mean to take advantage of you this morning, time just got away from me." I directed towards Angela.

"Oh, don't be silly Maura. I want you to take time for yourself while I am here. I know first hand what it is like to spend most of your day with two little ones that need you right by their side for most of the day. You don't get many hours of alone time, and those that you can get, should be savored." Angela had replied.

I walked over and gave Angela a quick hug and thanked her again. Then before sitting to eat my breakfast, I went to give my kids some good morning kisses and hugs. Then I took Emma from her highchair and held her on my lap as I ate. I was going to miss my time with them today, but it was for a good reason. Then in between bites I spoke to Jane.

"So Jane, I was thinking we could go explore the property. There are 86 acres total, and I haven't ventured beyond the main backyard. The property came with a 4 seat John Deere XUV. So we could try it out. There is a lake somewhere on the property maybe we could even pack a picnic lunch. What do you say?"

Jane began to get a smile on her face and said, "That sounds great Maur, I was worried we would be stuck looking at 4 walls while we talked, I think I would be more comfortable out and about. I like the sound of the picnic lunch too. Why don't I help Ma out it together? While you go change into some jeans, I don't think yoga pants are the right attire for the outdoors."

Maura shook her head at Jane, "I will have you know that my wardrobe mainly consists of items from the L.L Bean catalog. I kept a few dresses for when I visit my parents, the rest I donated to charity. I will get the kids set up in the playpen and then I will go get changed. I shouldn't be long and then I can help you and Angela."

(Jane's POV)

I got up and made the motions of helping Ma gather stuff from Maura's fridge to make some sandwiches for lunch. I really wasn't there and Ma knew it. She really was good at reading people, I think she probably could have made a great detective. Then she made my snap out of my daze and started asking me probing questions.

"Does it surprise you that she is really good with her kids? Are you shocked to see that she has created a new life here all in a short 5 months? Are you afraid because she sounds like this is where she wants to stay? Are you worried that you may not fit into this new life of hers?"

Wow, Ma sure covered some of it, the stuff that was right there in the forefront of my brain. I finally looked at her and answered her questions.

"No, it doesn't surprise me, I always knew she would make a great mom. She had too many lessons on how to not be a good mom, and she also was able to learn from you these past 7 years. She also has the biggest heart of anyone that I ever met. Those kids are the luckiest in the world. I am really happy for her. I know I told her it was wrong, but well I have a lot to atone for with her. I am a bit shocked at how well she has adapted to non city life, but then again this place is awesome. I was foolish to think that if I came here and fixed our friendship and was honest with her that she would drop everything and come back home. I realize now that she plans to stay, I mean she gave her fancy clothes away that has to tell you something. I know we can be friends again, but I am not sure I will fit into this new life of hers, I am not sure she wants me to. I guess by the end of the day today I will have my answers. It scares the hell out me Ma, if I hadn't been such a jerk to her, if I hadn't been so afraid of, well things, then we wouldn't even be here."

Ma pulled me into a hug and quietly spoke in my ear, "Relax Jane and take it slow. Make sure you listen with your head and heart. Make sure you speak the whole truth to her, no holding back. What you say, how you react, will all be very important. She wants the truth from you, and she will give you her truths as well. Just be honest. If in the end you know you want to make a life with her and the kids, then things will work itself out. If you choose to follow the path of best friends, then that's okay too. She is only 3 hours away, I am sure you will still find time for each other. Not everything will be solved in one afternoon. Don't rush in your decisions, make sure you both want the same thing. Now, go grab some fruit from that drawer and I will put some drinks into the cooler and make a thermos of coffee for you two."

Just as I was pulling out from Ma's hug and following her directions, Maura came back into the room. She sure made the outdoor look appear sexy. I think she could even make a paper bag look good too. Its funny how if I think about it, I always had admired her body as well as her mind. I had just never really a name to why I did. I mean I never looked at anyone else and thought about it. I never cared what the guys I had dated looked like, nor did I pay attention to the other women that had crossed my paths. Well except maybe when we had been undercover at Merch, but then again I was always drawn back to how Maura had looked that night.

(Maura's POV)

As I reentered the Kitchen I noticed that Jane and Angela were having a moment and I felt bad for putting an end to it. I also noticed that my entrance, or more so my attire seemed to put a certain look on Jane's face. I had always none that Jane looked at me in certain way, that was one reason I had always thought she felt the same way as I. This was, in my opinion, not normal behavior of a best friend. I mean yes it is normal for women to admire a way another woman presents themselves, but to have that gleam in ones eyes that exudes want and desire is not usually normal for straight women. I filed this away and could use it when we talked later.

I knew I didn't need to tell Angela about nap times or meals for the kids. In just the few days she had been here she knew their schedule. Angela also had more experience than I at being a mom, so I knew I had nothing to worry about.

"Angela I am just going to give the kids a kiss goodbye, then I think we will be ready to go. I am not sure how long we will be gone, but if you need either of us I will have my cell with me. Thank you for getting everything ready and well thank you for being here to give us the time we need."

Angela shooed us both off, and after I said goodbye to the kids, we headed out to the unattached 3 car garage. Once we loaded up the XUV, we headed out towards where I knew the lake to be.

Jane was amazed at all the fruit trees that were on the property. I told her that their were 4 different varieties of apples and 2 varieties of pears. The season for both were coming to an end, but maybe she would want to help pick some while she was here. I still was unsure of how long she planned to stay, or if after our talk, if she would want to stay.

I pointed out the vast number of Sugar Maple trees that were also on the property. I explained to how the trees usually do not flower until they are 22 years old and how they can live to be 400 yrs old. I then went on about the process to tap trees for their sap, and how it take 34 gallons of sap to make just 1 gallon of maple syrup. Jane had remained quiet the whole time I was talking and I began to wonder if I was boring her, but before I could question her, I had my answer.

"I really have missed that google thing you do. In fact I missed it so much that I found myself drawn to those documentaries that you love so much. At first it helped to not feel so alone, but after awhile it became a reminder of just how much I missed you. I took for granted how much time we really spent together outside of work. I took for granted the fact that other than my job, you had become my life." Jane had softy spoken.

I wasn't sure how to respond to what she had said, I mean there was so much to be said and I wasn't sure where we should start. I guess she wasn't waiting for one though, because she soon changed the subject back to the property.

"So, are you planning to bottle syrup or sell your fruit next year? I can't imagine they have a big need for a top medical examiner around these parts. The crime rate must be near the lowest in the nation." Jane nervously laughed out.

I could tell Jane was fishing for an answer to what my future plans were, to see if I was ever planning to return to my old life. I knew it was time to start the talk, so I told her to hold her question because we were almost at the lake. I wanted to be sitting next to her, or least walking with her, not driving while I answered her.

The next 3 minutes were driven in silence, until I pulled up to the lake and turned off the engine. I made to get out, but noticed Jane was not budging. I asked her what was wrong, but all I got in response was the visual of tears running down her face. I immediately went to her side of the vehicle and wrapped my arms around her.

"It is going to be okay Jane, I promise you. We are both here willing to work things out. Remember after the warehouse, we figured it out. We found a way back into each others life. We will do the same now, and you know why, because we are meant to be. I am not trying to say we are to be a couple, that is something we still need to discuss. What I am saying is that I need you in my life in some capacity. I always will, because otherwise it will have an emptiness that no one else could ever fill. I think we are just both afraid to start this. I know I am afraid that what I have to say will push you further away. You have a habit of running and closing yourself off when you don't like what people are saying, even if it is true. I am willing to hear you out, I mean really hear you. I promise that I will not interrupt you, nor will I try to put words into mouth. I just ask that you give me the same consideration. I think if we really listen to each other, then we will learn a lot. If you want me to start, I will. I am going to go lay a blanket down on the ground and when you are ready, come join me."

I grabbed the blanket and laid it near the edge of the lake, a few minutes later a composed Jane joined me with 2 cups and a thermos of coffee. We were ready to begin our healing.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I really wish I could get all of you who have reviewed into a room and give each and every one of you, A GIANT BEAR HUG! I cannot even begin to express how wonderful you all make me feel. Thank you so much! Much love is sent to you all! :)

Chapter 6

(Jane's POV)

I took a few moments to calm myself down and then made my way over to Maura, coffee in hand. After handing her a cup, I poured us both some coffee and took a seat next to her.

"Maur, I agree to everything you said. I promise to listen clearly and to speak honestly. I also promise to not interrupt, nor will I raise my voice. I want to take turns though, and talk through each part separately. I have a lot to answer for in the way of my actions. I know some of it will crossover into other topics, but I think it is important for us to make sure we hit everything that transpired. So I think we should start with the night you opened up to me and why I reacted the way I did."

Maura took a deep breath and nodded her head in understanding before she replied.

"I agree that topics will crossover and I also agree that we need to cover everything, not jump away from the initial topic point. Once we reach the end, then we can bring it all together. So if we are starting out at that night, I would like to say some things before you begin speaking about your reaction, if that is alright with you."

Well this was really happening and we needed to start already, even though I was all set to speak, I could see Maura wanted to say something, so why not see what she had to add to her profession of love from that night so many months ago.

"Go ahead Maur, you can start."

(Maura's POV)

I knew Jane wanted to jump right into her reasoning's, but I just needed to let her know where my head had been, then I would let her speak her mind. I was thankful that she saw that this was important for me to say.

"Jane, that night was a long time in the making. I had been struggling with whether or not I should even tell you. I know that I never even hinted at the fact that I was open to a relationship with a woman, and for the record, I have never been in one. I have kissed a girl in my time, back in college, on more than one occasion. However I never took it to the next level. It wasn't because I was afraid of what others might think, or even how my parents would react. It was because I never felt a connection with any of them. I do know that kissing a woman was always a better experience than with a man, and I have read that sex is also more rewarding with a female partner. I just never got around to finding that someone who I wanted to prove that with. I guess what I am trying to get across is that when we first met and started our friendship I was in no way deceiving you. My goal was to be friends, it had never crossed my mind that you would become that someone. At first when I started to have these feelings for you that went beyond friendship, I thought maybe it was because we spent so much time together. I mean I had never had a best friend before. So I through myself into dating different men, which all left me wanting more. They never seemed to get me, never wanted to know me on a deeper level. It was only about getting into my pants. For awhile I was okay with that, because well I had you for the intimate friendship, and I had some okay sex. But as time went on I knew that I wanted and deserved more out of my life. I was tired of feeling cheap with one night stands. I knew that I wanted a life partner. I knew that I wanted someone to grow old with, someone to share a life and family with. The closer we became as friends, the more time we spent together, the more I fell in love with you. Well it all became too much to keep to myself. Even though I knew deep down that you would probably run from me, the want of a life with you was too strong for me to set aside. You know I don't like what ifs, and well I wasn't getting any younger. My maternal clock had been ticking since the case a few years ago when I delivered that baby at the spa. I suffered through watching you like Grant, date Dean, well at least you slept with him, when I needed you most too. Then we were apart after the warehouse, I thought I would never be happy again. But we made up and life was good again, I promised myself that I would be happy with the time I had with you and nothing more. It worked for awhile, until Casey came into your life again. I never saw someone go from the tough Jane that I knew, and do a complete 360* turn around into a soppy mess. I had never seen you go all mushy over someone. I thought I had lost all chance at a happy life. I mean when someone settles down, the friends are usually the first to be pushed aside. I was sure when he gave you that ultimatum that you were going to say yes. I was shocked, but very happy that you didn't. It also gave me the courage to do something about it. I knew in my heart that you deserved to have someone better, someone who could make you so happy that an ultimatum wasn't necessary for a proposal. Someone who would go out of their way to give you the best damn proposal out there, even get married at Fenway park. I am not saying that I know for a fact I am that someone for you, but I wanted the chance to show you that you are that someone for me. I wasn't going to throw myself at you and demand us to be in a relationship or else it was the end to our friendship. All I wanted from you that night was to understand that if it were ever possible for you to love me in that way, then I was a willing partner. I can go on in my life without you being my lover, wife what have you. What I never wanted was a life without you as my best friend. I screwed that up that night, because I used the wrong words to convey what I wanted you to hear. I scared you into thinking things had to change. I love you Jane, the person you are. Do not change for me, be honest with me."

I had a few tears on my face, but for the most part I was able to get through it all without becoming a complete mess. I saw understanding on Jane's face, I saw no horror or resentment. The floor was hers now, and I awaited what she had to say.

(Jane's POV)

I didn't know where to start, that was just so much to say. It was now or never though, I took a deep breath and squeezed Maura's hand, which when I tried to pull away, she grabbed back and held. It was her way to ground me I think, and well I had no problems with that. I did feel a more sense of calm.

"I first want to say I am so sorry. I know that I should have been a better friend and talked to you. It wasn't like TV cameras were in your living room, it was just us and I should have been able to talk to about it, instead of pushing you away and hiding behind my fears. I know that I have caused you a great deal of hurt, and I am just hoping, even though you say you forgive me, that you really can find forgiveness for the mess that I created. I also need you to know that when I speak from here on out, it is from my heart. I promise I am not just speaking words that I think you want to hear. I have had 5 long months to sort all of this out, and I don't want to keep making the same mistakes with you by holding back. So here it goes"

I took my hand back, and used both to wipe over my face, then I grabbed a water and took a big gulp. Then another deep breath and I returned my hand to Maura. Who was just sitting patiently for me.

"I am going to go back in time for a glimpse at something that happened to me when I was in high school, it is the catalyst to why I behaved the way I did. In my Junior year I was still ever the tomboy. My friends were mainly guys, because I could relate to them better. I wasn't one to talk fashion, guys, hairstyles, or whatever else the girls would talk about. It wasn't like I didn't talk to them, I did, but I didn't hang with them. Then one day after school I was hanging with the guys in the neighborhood and my friend James introduced me to his cousin Sam, well Samantha. Her family had just moved to the area from New Jersey, and she was going to our school. That day I had made a new friend. She was girly, but she was also like one of the guys. We landed up spending a lot of time together. Then one Friday at the high school football game we were sent on refreshment duty. While we were standing in line I was bouncing up and down to keep warm, I had left my jacket by our seats. Sam pulled me out of line and said she had a way for me to get warm. I followed her over to the baseball fields, and then she grabbed my hand and pulled me behind the dugouts. I was starting to ask her what she was doing when she pushed up against the wall and kissed me. I was in shock at first, but then I found myself kissing her back. It was then that I had an epiphany. I not only liked guys, but I liked girls as well. Our friendship didn't really change, except that when we were really alone, we kissed. I was doing well at first, but then on Sunday's I was faced with going to church, and by the time mass was over I was filled with a lot of guilt. A few months into our "thing", Sam who was always at mas as well, with her family, looked over at me and I could see she had the same look as I. The look of what are we doing. I knew I needed to talk to her, so after mass I asked my Ma if it was okay that I walked home with Sam. We went the long way, and neither of us knew that Tommy had followed us. We went into her brothers fort in the backyard and started to weigh the pro's and con's of what we were doing. Up until then I had never been drawn to another person the way I had been to her. The next thing I knew we were no longer talking but kissing. There was an urgent frenzy about it. We were touching each other all over, and before I had time to realize what was happening, Sam had her hand in my pants. We looked into each others eyes and I silently gave her permission. That was the first time in my life that I ever experienced an orgasm. We stayed their making out and pleasing each other for at least an hour. When we came out of the euphoria we were in, we quickly put our clothes back on, laughed a little and then started kissing again. That's when my happiness ended that year, I saw Tommy looking in at us. I panicked, I pushed Sam away from me and ran after Tommy. I begged him not to tell anyone, but he kept saying I was going to hell. He ran home and told my parents that he caught us kissing and making out. I did the only thing I could think of, I lied. I told them that Tommy was only making it up because I had threatened to tell them that I had caught him drinking and smoking. It became a huge screaming match. I had the upper hand though, I showed my parents his stash of beer and cigarettes in his room. They never questioned me again about what Tommy had said, but I would never get the look of horror that was on my dad's face out of my eyes. I went on to push Sam away, with no explanation as to why I was treating her so badly. Within a week I was saying yes to a boy who asked me to a dance. That was when I started to date Casey Jones."

I was crying now, couldn't be helped. I had hurt Sam all of those years ago, just as I had hurt Maura.

Maura didn't respond, she just reached out to hold me and let me get myself composed. I drank some water and she offered me a cookie that Ma had put in our basket. Once I was done, I felt better and was ready to continue.

"I knew while I was dating Casey that it wasn't the same. That the feelings were different. I knew then that I was never going to find true happiness, true love in a relationship with a guy. However, I also knew that I had to lock my true desires away, my family meant too much to me. I heard from James many months later that Sam's father found out about her lifestyle. He was so enraged that he beat her horribly and then sent her away to a clinic where they would try to change her. My senior year I heard she killed herself. I just never wanted my parents to be disappointed with me and disown me.

As the years went by my eyes did wander to many women, but I could never take the risk. All throughout the academy I had to fight off the stereotype of woman cops being lesbians. I knew that for me to survive in a man's world, I had to continue to hide my true self. I knew that I had to give up all hope of one day being able to be honest about who I was deep down.

Then I met you. In the beginning it was just a great friendship, but then I started to develop certain feelings for you. I tried my best to push them aside. I thought that maybe my lack of experience with female friends, was somehow making me confused. In time though I knew I was in love with you. It turned out to be okay though, not something to be afraid of, well because I knew you were straight and that you would never have those feelings for me. So I could enjoy our closeness, I could take what I could from our time together with no worries that I would have to face what I did all of those years ago. What you and I had was perfect. Then that night you opened up and I panicked. I was so angry that you were about to ruin my happiness. I didn't want to face who I was, I was so comfortable with how things were. I knew you said we could stay the way we were, but for me that was no longer possible.

Now that I had known the truth, I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold back. How could we snuggle on the couch, sleep in the same bed, without it meaning something else. I thought about my Ma, brothers, partners, what everyone would say or think, even worse what they would do. My mind selfishly thought about where my Ma would go? I mean she would certainly disown me, but what about you? She had become a surrogate mother to you, I knew how much you liked having her in your life. I couldn't let her walk out on you. I was just so confused and angry. I was mad that you called me out. Then I did what I do best, I pulled away from you. I purposely hurt the woman that I loved more than anything else. I needed to build a wall to protect myself. For all of my hopes of one day being strong enough, I just couldn't do it. So I had to try and prove once again to myself that I could be happy with a man, and went on many a miserable date.

Then when I was ready to come crawling back to you and apologize for my behavior, and see if you could find it in your heart to forgive me and be my friend again. You dropped an even bigger bombshell. I could not believe it when you said you were in the process of adopting a child. I was trying to figure how you had gone from professing your love to me, to changing directions and starting a life without me. I became enraged and jealous. Here you were going on with your life, with such ease. I had been miserable and I thought you should have been too. But instead, you moved on. You were showing me that you didn't need me in your life for it to be a happy one. So again I decided to attack you, I wanted you to feel bad. I couldn't support you in your decision because it didn't include me, because you didn't feel the need to include me. I know I walked away, but this was big. I realized that night how far apart we had become, it was way worse than the warehouse. I couldn't see a clear path back to you. It was like you had given me the big "Fuck off" of my life.

I thought things couldn't get any worse, then you had to tell me that my Ma, brothers and partners were all okay with you being Bi sexual. That they would be happy for you if you were in a relationship with a woman. Then to top it off, you tell me that Frankie was aware that you were in love with me. Even worse, that he wished he could be the Rizzoli that you loved. You do know that he is still holding out hope that you will give him a chance. Anyways, so in your office my brain starts to register that I had spent my whole life wrapped up in my own fears, that I realized I had never once considered that my family might actually support me. I allowed one facial expression and the fact that we were raised catholic to guide my life. In that moment I hated you for being strong and moving on, I hated my family for not verbalizing or even hinting that they were okay with homosexuality, I hated the world for being so judgmental, and I hated myself for not being able to be strong enough to tell you that I was in love with you too.

I let you go that day, I knew that I would never be enough for you. I mean I always knew you were out of my league. I knew that I had failed you, and even if I could come to terms with everything and apologize, you had moved on and more importantly you moved away. I caused that, I hurt you so bad that you left your family and friends to get away from me.

I didn't care about life at that point, I started to drink or take pills to sleep. At first I could still function at work, but then my attendance suffered. I couldn't focus to solve cases. I had no happiness what so ever in my life. I pushed Ma, Frankie, Tommy and the guys out of my life. They really tried to help, but I didn't want their pity. Worse I didn't want to hear that they knew I was in love with you. I didn't want to hear that they were okay with it. I had screwed up way to bad, I couldn't see how I could ever face you again.

The day before I was ordered to take time off, I met a woman named Beth at the commons. We began to talk about siblings, because her kids were playing basketball and they had reminded me of me and my brothers when we were young. Then a woman came over and kissed her, and I realized they were a couple, wife and wife. They were raising three children together without a care in the world. I broke down and Beth landed up taking me home. She stayed and talked to me, sharing her story about meeting her wife and both their coming our stories. She helped me a lot, even said she and her wife would love to be able to meet you someday. I went to bed that night feeling really good, it was the first time that I thought I had a chance to apologize.

The next day changed it, I saw Ma, she was telling me how she was coming to see you. That Frankie and Tommy had been to see you a few weekends ago and how much they helped you. I saw stars then, thinking about how Frankie told me that I would never wake up from being a coward and how he was waiting for the right moment to work his way into your heart, and be a daddy to your kids. I spiraled out of control again, and told myself that he was right, that he was better for you. Cavanaugh kicked me to the curb that day, and well I landed up at Tommy's. He got me through that night, and got my head back on straight. Then when I woke up, I heard the best words come out of his mouth. You, Maura, wanted to talk to me, that you missed me. That you wanted me to come to you. I felt life I was going to be okay in those few short minutes. Then he read your exact words, and as he said them, I could hear your voice saying them.

I know you have chosen a different life now, you have 2 beautiful children. In just the short amount of time that I have been here I can see that they are very lucky that you chose the path to motherhood. You really are a great mom, it looks good on you. Right now I could use some help or input from you. I don't know how I fit into your life anymore. I mean I know we can be friends, I am just not sure if your forgiveness takes us to being best friends again, or just the, we'll talk some time and see ya at holiday's friends. I can't assume you would want to give us a chance at a relationship, I do love you, I can even say that I am still in love with you. However, I can't ask you to give up all you have here, and come back to Boston. I mean we don't even know if a relationship would work between us and well if I get you back as a friend, I don't know if I can risk losing you if we couldn't make it as a couple."

I was exhausted, I had said everything that their was to say, or did I? I saw Maura's face through all that I spoke. The majority of the time it was full of understanding, but now here at the close, I see what appears to be sadness, a look of defeat. I am biting my lip now, I think I may have ruined my chance.

(Maura's POV)

As Jane was talking everything made sense. I felt bad for how things had worked out for her. I wished that the world had been a kinder place, where no one had to be forced to hide who they were, just because others were not comfortable with their choices. I could also sense that Jane had made a lot of progress in the last 5 months. Maybe everything had happened for this reason. However, it sounds like Jane still wants to stay friends. I don't think she wants a ready made family, and I can't blame her. She has a career and would never make her choose. I needed a break from this, so I got up and walked over to the lake. Jane soon followed.

"I just need a moment before we continue. Thank you for being completely honest with me, I know that must not have been easy. Why don't we eat our lunch and maybe talk about something lighter for now. Maybe even get in a nap. Then we can get back at it. You deserve some honest answers, I just need to work out the best way to answer."

Jane agreed, I could tell she was tired and needed a break as well. We ate in comfortable silence, and soon were both out for the count.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

(Maura's POV)

I woke up about 20 minutes later and felt refreshed from the short cat nap. Jane was nowhere to be seen. I began to panic a bit, maybe I should have responded to her right away. I stood up and made my way to the path by the lake, and my heart began to pound less, there she was walking towards me with a smile on her face.

I ran up to her and gave her a big hug, I don't know what came over me, but I just needed to feel her in my arms. She was taken aback by the force of it all and said, "Whoa there Maur. What's with the bear attack?"

I quickly pushed her away, feeling a bit silly. "I'm sorry Jane, it's just that, I woke up and you were not there. I thought you left me, that maybe my lack of response to you caused you to give up. I think it would be best if we sat back down, and you allow me to start again."

I was really frazzled. If this is how I reacted now, what was going to happen when Jane had to leave to go home. I loved it here, I wanted Jane to love it here. How could I explain what I was feeling without making her feel like I had to be a choice?

I went and sat back down on the blanket, Jane made to sit but knelt in front of me instead. I hadn't noticed that her one arm was hidden behind her back until now. She smiled at me and pulled out a bunch of pink and violet crocus flowers. Then she spoke softly, almost a whisper.

"Maur, I may have given you the wrong impression before, this is my way of correcting it. Maura Dorothea Isles, I am no longer afraid to ask for what I know I want. I am no longer afraid to be who I am. I am no longer afraid to tell the world that I am in love with the most beautiful woman in the Universe. I am not afraid to share you with those 2 amazing children. I am no longer afraid to ask you, will you do me the honor of going out on a date with me? Will you give me the chance to prove to you that I am the one for you? That I will always be there to love and take care of you, William and Emma"

Oh my, was I hearing Jane correctly? My heart was hammering in my chest, my brain was not formulating any words, was this really happening? I don't know how long I sat there stunned, but I soon found my mouth and brain connection. I jumped into her arms, accidentally crushing the flowers, as I bursted out...

"Oh, Jane yes! If you really mean everything you just said, then yes! I was so worried that you wouldn't want to give us a chance. I know I have added children to the mix, but really I can't imagine my life without them. I have never stopped loving you, if you really think about it we have been dating for years, we already know that we are good together, that we work as an us. The only thing that we didn't have was the physical aspect. Well we did have some physical aspect, but not what I can only envision as some very awesome sex."

I knew I was rambling, but I was so giddy with excitement. I just could not contain my emotions. Jane Rizzoli asked me out on an official date, she said she wanted to be there for me and the kids. She was really okay with the children. But what about the 3 hour distance, how was this going to work? Now my brain was catching up to my heart and I became nervous again.

"Jane, this is everything that I ever dreamed of, but I need to be honest with you and you need to hear me out okay."

Jane nodded her head in understanding and we repositioned ourselves into a sitting position, but Jane still had her arm around me.

"I need you to be aware of something before we make this step. I have had a lot of time to think about the direction of my future, and I need you to know that I am no longer interested in being a medical examiner. The passion I once had for that is gone. I know it probably has to do with me being a mom. I just don't have it in me to want to have a career that would take me away from them at all hours, nor do I want to live with the stresses and horrors that we had to see in our daily life. I don't think that I would be at my best for them. I really enjoy living here. I don't know if I can go back to living in Boston. I think this is a great place for the kids to grow up. I want more than anything to have a chance with you, I know if we gave it a go, that we would be great together. But we may be getting ahead of ourselves. I cannot ask you to give up your life in Boston. You love being a cop, your family and friends are there, it is all you have ever known to be home. I don't want you to jump at this and then resent me down the road. I don't want to give you false hope that you could get me to move back to Boston. I know it may sound selfish to think that I won't budge from this life that I created here for a chance at us. That the only way I can see us ever being together is if you ever considered a transfer to a smaller police force, or make a change in career. I can't ask that of you."

I could tell Jane looked defeated. After all of her soul searching and professions, after she tore her walls down for me, I was putting one right back up.

"Look Jane, I am not saying I don't want to try, I do. I just need you to be aware of where I am at. Maybe we can make a long distance relationship work. It is only 3 hours, and even if I were still in Boston, you would still have those long hours on cases. Our time would still be limited. It isn't like we are jumping into marriage. I am here Jane, I am not going to go out looking for anyone to be my babies other parent. What I am saying is we have all the time in the world to be us, we just need to do what works. I would not expect you to drive here all of the time, I can drive the 3 hours just like you. I am rambling again, I need to know what you are thinking."

(Jane's POV)

Wow, here we were getting back to where I thought we needed to be. In all actuality I had my best friend back. It had been such an easy transition for us to open up, apologize and move on. I know in the back of my mind I had all of these same thoughts lurking. But for just that one moment, when she said yes to my date proposal, I had felt for the first time that all was right with the world. I knew Maura was just being honest, I knew she didn't want anything to hang in the air with us. She was being fair to me and to her. I knew it would be wrong to make all of my decisions in one emotional day. We needed to take things one day at a time.

"I think we are both doing very well at this communicating thing. I appreciate your honesty. I knew when I first saw you, the kids, and this amazing place, that this is where you are settled now. I agree that this is a much better place to raise them. Just as you say you won't make me choose, I would never make you do that either. You are not being selfish. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I have no desire to date anyone or commit to anyone but you. I know that it won't be easy to not be able to drive a few minutes to see you on a daily basis, but knowing that we are okay and in each others life may help to curb the loneliness that I am sure we will both endure at times. I also think we will be good together. I think if we take things slow, and remain open with our communication that it will help. I want to have time to get to know Billy and Emma better. If you let me I want to be more than Aunt Jane to them. I want to teach them to play baseball, build forts, take them sledding when they are old enough with them. I could never see myself doing that with anyone but you. I don't know what the future holds, but as long as you and I have each other in some capacity then I know I will be okay. I agree with you that we have already been practically dating, and as I can attest to us already crossing lines into a physical capacity, I think I agree that sex, or rather love making with you, will be AWESOME."

Even though Maura was crying, what I assumed to be happy tears, she began to laugh at my last comment.

"Okay, so if you are ready to drop the heavy talk and get on with our future as my girlfriend, partner, lover, what have you, then lets go back and spend the rest of the day with the kids and Ma. Tomorrow I am taking you out on our first official date."

(Maura's POV)

I don't know how she did it, but she made everything right in the world. She made what could be viewed by others as a complicated relationship, into making sense for us. She wanted us for the long haul. She wanted me and my children as hers. Life could not get any better. We would be okay. I needed to ask her just two small questions though before I would be ready to head back.

"Yes, I am done with the heavy talk, but before we go can I ask you two things? I promise they are simple."

Jane nodded, so I continued.

"How long are you able to stay? How much time did Sean make you take?"

Jane laughed at this then replied. "Well either you are getting sick of me already or else you are scheming at how long you can keep me captive."

I laughed so hard then I reached out to tickle her. We found ourselves rolling around attacking each other, as our bellies chuckled loudly. Soon I had the upper hand and had her pinned underneath me. I got within inches of her face and said,"this beings me to my other question, How long do I have to wait before you kiss me?"

Jane got a serious look on her face, which caused me to falter in my grip, soon she had flipped us and I was now the one pinned. In no time, she captured my lips into a kiss. It became heated in no time and she was biting my bottom lip seeking entrance. I quickly opened my mouth and soon our tongues were exploring each others tonsils. When we both needed to pull back for lack of oxygen, I think or faces mirrored the same look. A look of absolute bliss. There was no doubt we were both very much in love. Then she said, "To answer your other question, I was given 3 weeks, but if you keep kissing me like that, I am putting in for early retirement."

I laughed once again, and then we continued to kiss for a little while more. Jane's grumbling stomach brought us back down to earth. We knew it was time to head back, so we cleaned up and I allowed Jane to drive the XUV back. I think if my kisses weren't a big enough draw to keep her, then this crossover vehicle would be. It was a good thing my stomach was empty, Jane's off roading skills were not my cup of tea.

When we got back I knew Angela could sense a big change in us. She was very respective to our privacy though, and didn't try to pry any information from us. The evening went by quickly and soon we were putting the munchkins down for the night. We joined Angela in the living room and asked her if she minded watching the kids tomorrow evening, that we were going to go on a date. Of course she was more than agreeable once she heard that. We stayed up a bit longer to watch the news, then we said goodnight and went to our own rooms. A half hour later, after I was done in the shower and in my PJS, I heard a small knock on my door. I called out "Come in", and Jane slowly made her way to me and spoke quietly...

"I just wanted to give you a goodnight kiss, I don't think I could have gone to sleep without one."

I smiled at that, and then we kissed. I knew it would be too easy to want to keep Jane in my room and explore more of her than just our mouths, so I slowly pushed her back.

"As much as I would like for you to stay, I think we should wait until we at least have a date behind us."

Jane laughed and said, "yeah, that and maybe once my ma is gone. Even if she is on the other side of the house, I think it would be a bit weird.

We both laughed at that, then kissed one last time before I playfully pushed her out.

I must say I had wonderful dreams this night.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

(Maura's POV)

I woke up early again and well rested. I checked on each of the little ones, to find them still soundly asleep. I sat down by William's crib and just watched him. A big part of me missed getting up in the middle of the night to feed them and rock them back to sleep. Time seemed to be flying by, before I know it they will be toddlers and ready for preschool. I want to enjoy every minute with them, I never want to miss out on a single milestone. I also have a feeling that I am not going to be finished with my maternal cravings. William and Emma have started this fire within me, I eventually want more children. I even want to give a go at being pregnant. I want to experience what it is like to have a tiny being grow inside of me. I also knew that I would need to bring this up with Jane as well. She had to know what I dreamed for the future.

Even though we seem to be on the same page. Even though she has expressed that she sees a future with me and the kids. I still have a feeling nagging at the back of mind, I don't know if Jane has thought this all the way through. I need to figure out how I can be sure that my heart won't be broken again.

I can smell coffee in the air, so I quietly leave the room and head to the kitchen where I expect to find Angela, but instead Jane is up, dressed and making breakfast. I pause and take in the scene, which puts a happy smile on my face. I could really get used to this. Oh, Jane please don't fail me.

"Good morning Jane, I am surprised to see you up this early. Did you not sleep well?"

Jane smiled at me and came right over to pull me into a tight embrace. "Good morning gorgeous! I am up early because I slept great. I may have slept longer if I had been in a certain someone's bed."

I laughed, and then Jane leaned in and captured me in a big sloppy kiss. Which I basically laughed through, before pushing her away.

"Jane, I do not need for you to lick my face clean," I laughed. "I missed you as well, you are a really good snuggle buddy." Then I pulled her back to me and gave her a proper good morning kiss.

"Now that is how one greets their girlfriend in the morning."

(Jane's POV)

I was so giddy this morning. I couldn't really explain it. I just knew that I never wanted to lose this feeling. Then Maura kissed me and I could feel just how much she loved me in just that short kiss. The saying make your toes curl, had nothing on this kiss. Everything was curling on me, well tingling really. How could I have been afraid of this? This was so right.

"Well my dear girlfriend, this snuggle buddy can't wait for our date tonight. I have almost completed our itinerary for the evening." I said before giving her a quick peck and turning back towards the kitchen.

(Maura's POV)

Wow, I still was amazed at Jane's energy this morning. She had already worked out plans for our date, I couldn't wait to see.

"I look forward to tonight. Until then I was hoping I could take you guys into Quechee. They have some awesome stores and antique shops, as well as the famous Quechee Gorge. Maybe we could even pick up some pumpkins and Indian corn to decorate with."

Jane just smiled and agreed that it would be great. Angela arrived a few minutes later and jumped in to help Jane with Breakfast. I told her about today's plans and she was excited to hear we would be venturing out. With the children still sleeping, the three of us went to sit in the sun porch to drink our coffee and eat the omelets Jane had prepared.

Around 8am we heard the first sounds of movement from the baby monitors. I excused myself so I could go get them ready for the day. Before I was even a foot away Jane had gotten up and asked if she could help.

"Hey Maur, if you don't mind I'd like to help. I think it would be good for me to learn what the routine is. You know, since I will be here for the next 3 weeks, well almost 3 weeks."

I was about to argue that there was no need, but when I saw the sincere look on her face, I knew it really was something that she wanted do. I also knew that she would need more time to get to know them, and that included feedings, diaper duty, baths, teeth brushings, you name it. It would also give her an idea as to what she was getting herself into, who knows by the end of her vacation she might give up on the whole family idea. She may decide that this wasn't the life she wanted.

"Okay let's go"

I noticed Angela was about to say something, but then shook her head and went to refill he coffee. I was wondering if she thought Jane was trying too hard. I would make time to talk to her alone later.

William was up first, and while I changed his diaper, Jane went to the dresser to retrieve the outfit I had laid out for him for today. Once I was finished I handed him off to her and asked if she would be okay while I went to get Emma, who had just started making noise.

"Yeah, sure thing Maur, Billy and I got this." Jane said smiling.

When I was done getting Emma ready I found Jane with Billy in the kitchen. She was already one handing him, and fixing his breakfast with her other. She looked like she had been doing this for awhile. She must have noticed my reaction and smiled before answering my unspoken question.

"I used to have a lot of practice with my younger cousins, and well I have helped a little with TJ, but not as much as I should."

While she got the cereal ready I went to retrieve some fruit. In no time the kids were fed and the kitchen cleaned up. Jane entertained the kids, while I went to pack up the diaper bag, and Angela was once again on food duty and packed some food and snacks for Billy and Emma. Within 30 minutes we had the SVU packed and were ready to go.

By 10am we were in Quechee and had begun our shopping adventure. The Gorge Village shops were over 13 shops in one, and from the looks of it, one could easily get lost in here. In a matter of minutes I had my basket full, from Locally made wine, candles and bath soaps to some beautiful Danforth green leaf pewter utensils. Jane amazed me, she had not yet grumbled about my buying up the store, nor was she complaining about how heavy the basket was becoming. Back in Boston she would have never of joined me on such an adventure, so this was a real treat for me.

Within 40 min we had made our way through all of the stores. Angela, who had been watching Emma while we shopped with William, handed her off to us while we were in line so she could use the facilities. While I was paying the cashier I noticed a woman had approached Jane and inquired about her beautiful babies. Jane had smiled and thanked the woman, she didn't feel the need to correct the woman, which I thought showed just how comfortable she was with us. I think some of my concern was beginning to lift.

Once the purchases were securely put away we moved up to the next parking lot so that we could check out the gorge. The hike down was not conducive for strollers, nor would it have been safe for to walk the kids down. The path was made up of uneven stones, so Angela told Jane and I to go check it out, while she took the kids with her to the adjacent outdoor craft market.

The path led down to the Gorge where you could get a really good view of a waterfall. With the Autumn leaves and Sunny day, it was just beautiful. I took out my phone and began to take pictures. Then I turned my attention to Jane who had picked up 2 rocks and put them into her jean pocket.

I moved close to her and whispered, "Detective you should know better than to steal, those belong to nature after all."

Jane smiled and replied, "Oh really, and what will you do Doctor if I don't put them back?"

I was enjoying this playful banter, "Well I must warn you that I have access to a pair handcuffs, and I am not afraid to use them."

I could tell Jane's pulse had begun to quicken and the smile I had evoked from her was priceless. We both met in a warm kiss. I began to pull away, but Jane kept me in her hold and said, "When the time is right this would make a great place to propose to you. Even though nothing could compare to your beauty, this place comes close. I love you so much Maura, and I am thanking my lucky stars that you gave me another chance. I can't believe I ever questioned this. I believe with all my heart and soul that you, William and Emma are my destiny." Then she pulled me back for another kiss, and this one was full of love, hope and promise.

I couldn't let go of Jane as we made our way back up, if I had I probably would have tumbled back down. She had left me completely weak in the knees. Jane had just proven that she wasn't scared to be out with me in public, as a couple. Down in the gorge, there must have been at least 20 people around us. I think she may have wiped all of my doubt away.

We met back up with Angela, made our way back to the SUV and loaded the children into their car seats.

"I think we should look for a place to have lunch, does anyone have a preference for the type of food we eat. I can just search through OnStar."

Jane and Angela both said that whatever we came across was okay with them. I had continued to drive west, and soon we had come upon Woodstock, VT. In the small town we came across, Mon Vert Cafe, and I parked the car. Jane went to get William out of his car seat while I grabbed Emma.

We were seated outside on the front patio. Jane ordered a Chipolte BLT, while Angela and I settled for Cobb Salads. While we waited I went back to the car to get the stroller so we could feed the kids better.

As we ate I tried to get Jane to tell me her plans for our date that evening, but her lips were sealed. Angela excused herself half way through to take a call from Sean. Jane and I then began to contemplate how serious we thought she and Sean were. Jane said she was happy for her, but never wanted to catch them in the act of anything, which made me laugh.

We cleaned up the kids and began to push them around the village square, making sure that Angela could easily see us when she was finished. While we were walking we met a nice couple who stopped us to say hi and to inquire if the children were twins. While we were talking Jane asked them where we could find a nice Pumpkin farm in the area. They soon gave us directions to one that had mazes and farm animals to see. We were happy to hear that it was going in the direction of home. Once we said our goodbyes, we saw Angela heading towards us so we met her half way. We were both a little surprised to what she had to tell us.

"Maura, Jane... I hope you both don't mind, but I am going to head back tomorrow morning. Sean was able to get a few days off and he wants to take me out on his fishing boat. I know I am cutting my time short, but I promise I will make plans to come back soon. I don't think I can go for long without seeing my grand babies."

Even though I love Angela and was happy to have her come visit, I couldn't help but feel a bit excited about her early departure. I wanted to spend time alone with Jane and the kids. I wanted to get a feel for what things could be like. I should feel guilty thinking like this, but I knew after all that had transpired for all of those months, we needed this.

"Angela I don't mind at all, its not often that you both have time off together. I have enjoyed having you, so we should do it again. I also do not expect you to be always driving up here to see the kids. I can come visit as well. I was hoping to invite you all out here for Thanksgiving, my parents were to arrive then as well, but maybe we should keep with tradition and have it in Boston. I am sure they would be okay with that. It will be here before you know it."

Angela seemed to think this over and said, "Okay if you are sure your parents will not be upset, then we should do Thanksgiving in Boston. How about Christmas here in Vermont. I think a Country Christmas would be great."

I looked to Jane who was occupying herself with William and Emma and not really paying attention to us. When she eventually looked up, she said, "What? If you are waiting for my opinion, I don't care where we have what. I plan on being wherever Maura and the kids are." Then she went back to making faces at the kids and making them laugh.

We eventually made our way to the pumpkin farm and bought 4 pumpkins. Jane had said we needed 1 for each of us. She was in Jane the kid mode. Then I caught her once again picking up rocks and putting them into her pocket. I needed to know what she was up to.

"Jane, what is with the rocks? I have plenty back home."

(Jane's POV)

When Ma said she was going back home in the morning, I wanted to scream YES! I love my Ma, and I am happy she is there for Maura, but I want to be with Maura and the kids. I want to develop a routine with just her and them. I may be selfish, but I don't want my Ma around watching us. I don't want to share Maura or the kids with her.

Even though I didn't share my opinion, I was already trying to figure out how I could spend Christmas alone with Maura and the babies. I love my family and I know Christmas is about that, but I want to wake up Christmas Morning with her, not with a whole house of people. Maybe I could convince Maura to have Thanksgiving and to come to Boston for Christmas, that way they could stay with me at the apartment.

I knew Maura would want to know about the rock collecting at some point, she would probably think I was nuts, but well here it goes.

"When we were kids my Pop would pick up 3 rocks from wherever we would vacation. Then he would write the name of the place and the date on them. I still have each and everyone of them. I can pick one up and tell you exactly what that day was like. So I thought, even though Billy and Emma are too young to remember this day, I can tell them about it when they are old enough to understand."

Maura looked at me and began to cry, I held out my arms for her. I stood there rubbing her back until she was able to compose herself. Then she pulled back and said, "I am sorry for crying, but that was just so beautiful. For you to think about capturing memories for them is just so touching. Thank you for loving us."

I kissed her on top of her head, "Loving you and the kids, is so easy. I have never felt so complete in my life, as I do now. Come on, lets get home. I think we could use a nap before tonight's date"

We were on the road and back home within the hour. As I pulled into the drive the clock read 2:30pm, the kids were sleeping in their car seats. Maura and I each carefully picked one up and got them into their cribs. Then I went to help Ma unload the car. Maura had asked her if she wanted some tea, but she said she was going to go lay down for a bit before the kids got up and she was on duty. We laughed at that and then turned to go lay down ourselves. This time Maura led me to her room.

(Maura's POV)

Once we were home I realized just how tired I was. It had been a fun day, but exhausting. I knew if I wanted to be awake for tonight's date, I needed a nap. I was happy to hear Angela decline the tea and say she was headed to her room for a nap. I was also happy that I had given her a guestroom that was not only located on the 3rd floor, but which was also on the other side of the house. I had no plans to be away from Jane, she didn't know it yet, but she was joining me for this nap.

Once we saw Angela leave, I grabbed Jane's hand and led her to my room. After ensuring that the baby monitors were on, I turned to Jane. "Come on, lets get some sleep before the munchkins wake. I want to get some snuggle love from you."

Jane laughed and followed me to the bed. I stripped down to the sports bra I had been wearing and my boy shorts. When I looked over at Jane she looked surprised. "What?"

Jane replied with a smirk in her voice, "When did you turn in your elegant lacy bras and panties for the Jane Rizzoli style?

I reached over, picked up a pillow and through it at her. "I'll have you know that while I find this attire to be comfortable and more appropriate with my new lifestyle, I still enjoy my, as you say, more elegant undies. They are far more feminine not to mention they make me feel sexier."

Jane made quick strides over to where I was standing. Then she pulled me into an earth shattering kiss and said,

"It's not the clothes or undies that make you sexy, you just are." Then she stepped away, stripped down to her undies as well and pulled me into the bed.

It didn't take long to get our bodies snuggled into one another, it was as if we were made for this mold. Jane began to kiss my neck and shoulder, but then she stopped to speak.

"I want you so badly, but I also want to do this right and not rush it. The first time with you should be slow and explorative. We don't have time for that right now, so lets close our eyes and get some rest, we are going to need it."

I couldn't help it, I began to laugh. She was so amazing. I turned myself in her arms so that I could face her. Then I snuggled into the front of her, and nudged my left leg in between hers. Once I found my comfort zone, I closed my eyes and said "I love you and I agree snuggle now, sex later." Then I allowed myself to drift off to sleep with the faint sounds of Jane laughing.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Again thank you for all of the reviews they keep me going. I originally said this would be over at chap 10, but you may be happy to hear that won't be happening, lol I am currently working on chap 11 and still have a bit to get through before I can comfortably say that this is complete. So we shall see, I also have another story in the works, but want this to be complete before I post. Happy Sunday Everyone! :)

Chapter 9

(Maura's POV)

When I woke up I realized that I was snuggled up with a pillow rather than Jane. I slowly sat up and stretched as I looked around the room. The time on the nightstand said 4:30pm, what was supposed to be a quick nap, turned into a not so quick. I scrambled out of bed and through on my clothes from earlier. When I reached the living area I stopped in my tracks and had to cover my mouth to contain my chuckle. I did not want to disturb the scene in front of me.

There on the living room floor was Jane, William and Bass. Across the room from them, Jane had set up a stack of leaves and strawberries and close to that was Williams stuffed doggie. I could hear her say to them, "Okay the goal is whoever can reach there treasure first wins. Now William, we have been working on this, I know you can do it. Bass, buddy, do your best."

Then Jane got down on all fours and faced Billy, she called out go, and then slowly crawled backwards as Billy began crawling towards her. Bass was moving slowly across the room as well. Once Billy made it to his stuffed dog, Jane picked him up and was telling him what a great job he had done. Then she looked over at Bass, who still had not made it to his food and said, "see Billy, you beat the turtle."

That was my cue to enter, as I giggled out, "William, bass is a tortoise not a turtle."

Jane got up with Billy and made her way over to me, she gave me a chaste kiss and said,

"Hey babe, I didn't want to wake you, I figured you needed the rest and well Billy and I needed the time to practice. I think he will win a gold medal for his ability to crawl long distances without falling on his cute little chubby face."

I just laughed and smiled, then I took William from Jane's arms. I leaned into her and gave her a not so chaste kiss. Then I heard Angela clearing her throat behind us. I pulled away and she said, "I don't mean to interrupt, but you may want to start getting ready. Jane told me that your dinner reservations are for 6pm"

I looked to Jane and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "What? It's not that far of a drive and you don't really need 3 hours to get ready, you just think you do. So just go fix your bed head, and put on a simple dress and meet me back here in say 40 minutes."

I shook my head at Jane, "Jane I still need to take a shower, blow dry my hair, not to mention style it, then there is the makeup, picking something out, possibly having to iron it, and well I don't even know where we are going."

Jane laughed at my rambling, "Maur, calm down, did you even breathe through all of that? Quick shower, blow dry your hair and put it up, I like it when you do that. Then a quick makeup job, nothing too much, because really, you don't need it. Then come out and I will have a dress of my choice laid out for you. Remember this is Vermont and the area we are in is not home to real fine dining establishments, well not like you are used to in Boston."

Jane swatted my butt as I turned to leave the room, I gave her a quick glare, and all she did was laugh. If it wasn't for Angela and the kids, I think I would have taken her right there. I couldn't explain it, but bossy Jane was a sexy Jane.

(Jane's POV)

I took a quick shower and was dressed in just under 30 minutes. Then I went into Maura's closet and started searching through her dresses, I soon found what I was looking for. It was a long sleeve sweater dress, that was cranberry in color, with a cowl neck and a wide black belt around the waist. The length of it though had me thinking, was this really a dress or a sweater. Ma came in to see what my choice was, and explained to me that I needed to pick out some leggins to wear with it, and she also pointed to a pair of fashion boots in Maura's shoe collection. Once I laid it all out on the bed, I looked it over, I could not wait to see her in this. I also thought that this was an outfit that I too could pull off.

While I waited in the living area for Maura, I began to think over my plans for the night. I had hoped the evening would be memorable for a first date. It wasn't the easiest date to plan. I used Trip Advisor as well as just simple internet searches. I realized that small town America was not full of many nightlife opportunities, even the museums closed shop by 5pm. So I began my search for something to do in the arts category. When I finally found something that I knew she would enjoy, I had to rework the restaurant since they were in two different directions. So back to Trip Advisor I had went. I don't know why I was so nervous about tonight, I don't know why I kept thinking this was a make it or break it moment. We usually had fun no matter what we did. I just wanted tonight to be perfect though.

(Maura's POV)

When I was finished in the bathroom, I went out to see what Jane had picked for me to wear. I smiled to myself when I saw what she had chosen. It was actually what I had mentally picked to wear when she first asked me out. It was the perfect fall ensemble. I quickly dressed and met up with Jane in the living room. Apparently my outfit left her speechless. I laughed and gave her a quick kiss and let her know that she could pick out my wardrobe anytime.

After saying goodbye to Angela and the kids we were on our way. I was content in not asking about our destination, I knew Jane had worked hard at the plans. When I saw us head over the bridge and into New Hampshire, I knew she really had been researching this night. The town I lived in was just on the other side of the Connecticut River, which also bordered New Hampshire.

It was 5:45pm when we pulled into the drive for the Adair Country Inn and Restaurant. Jane said that the reviews were all great, most giving it a 5 star rating. Once we were seated we looked over the menu. You had to choose if you wanted a 2, 3, 4 or 5 course meal. Then you chose what you wanted for each course. We decided on the three course because Jane said she had plans for our desert.

WE both chose to have the Hanger Steal Meatballs for our Appetizer and the Spinach and Roasted Beets for our Salad. However we both chose different Entrees. I went with the Atlantic Cod and Lobster, and Jane the ravenous carnivore went with the Beef Tenderloin which had a bacon jam over it. Jane chose a glass of red, where as I went with a Pinot Noir.

The food was delicious, I could definitely see us returning many times. While we ate we talked about what we would do while Jane was there, even what jobs we thought we should do around the property. By 7pm we were finished and ready to head out. Jane said that we had time before our next destination and asked if I was still up for dessert.

We decided to at least check out the dessert spot, and maybe share something. Jane drove 5 min up the road to Renell's Ice Cream shop which was next door to our evening enjoyment as Jane had put it. The Colonial Theater, The Orchid Ensemble was performing and the show would start at 8pm. When we parked I looked around the small town of Bethlehem and saw a place called Cold Mountain Cafe and asked Jane if she would mind if we checked that out instead of the ice cream. With the chilly evening temperatures, I really felt like a coffee.

(Jane's POV)

I was really happy, the evening was going great. Even with a 5 month break, everything was still so easy between us. When Maura had asked to go to the Cafe, I looked over and saw her shiver a bit, so I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her as close as possible to give her some of my warmth, then I said, "Sure, coffee sounds good to me as well. Maybe they will have some pie we could share too."

Maura smiled up at me and I was just melting. That expression she gave was only ever meant for me. It was home, love and happiness all rolled into one big Maura smile.

While we drank our coffee and ate some Apple Pie, we each landed up ordering our own, I told Maura about what I had read about the Orchid Ensemble. It was a group of 3 musicians. 2 women and a man. I told her that the names of the instruments were foreign to me but basically they comprised of a wood zither, a lap held wooden stick fiddle and a wooden type xylophone.

Maura being Maura of course knew the names of the instruments. She said, "Oh, you mean the Zheng, Erhu and the Marimba."

When it was 7:45 we made our way over to the theater, where I picked up our tickets at will call. Then an usher showed us to our seats. For the next 90 minutes we enjoyed the beautiful music. I was thankful that over the years Maura had opened my mind to many different arts. I truly could appreciate this performance.

By 10:15 I was pulling us up into the garage at Maura's home. We sat there for a few minutes before going in. Maura turned to me and said,

"Jane, I really had a wonderful evening. It's been awhile since we have done anything like this, it was nice. You have hit perfect scores from my outfit to dinner, and of course that fabulous concert. If you were aiming for a memorable occasion, then you accomplished just that."

I was probably smiling like a complete idiot, but I didn't care. I leaned over and kissed her with everything I had. As we were kissing Maura put her chair into a reclining position and I found myself falling forward onto to her. She kept giggling into the kiss at my shock. Then things began to escalate from there. I tried to tell her that we needed to take it indoors, but she kept shushing me. Finally I was able to pull away from her lips.

"Maur, I do not want our first time to be in a car like some love crazed teenager. I want it to be perfect and memorable."

Maura's eyes were thinking, I could tell. Then she gently pushed me off of her, got out of the car and went towards a shelf in the garage. She grabbed a lantern, placed it in the back and began to get into the drivers seat. Then she looked at me and said, "Well are you going to join me? The rest of the date is on me." I just got in and went with the flow.

We soon drove the same path as the other day and arrived at the lake. Maura got out and grabbed the lantern and blanket. Once she had the lantern on, she turned off the XUV, and made her way to where we had the picnic. Then she reached out her hand and pulled me to sit with her. Then she said, "Now lets get back to where we were." Then she pulled me down on top of her and we began making out.

Making out led to declothing of one another and the beginning of our exploration of each others bodies, in a very intimate way. Neither one of us rushed, nor did we try to dominate each other. It was a mutual slow and steady journey. It was beautiful. I think we both had the same goal in mind, to bring each other to orgasm at the same time. We were very successful at that, and then some. I had never experienced anything like it.

We eventually pulled apart and laid side by side, still in each others arms. We were both breathless, but once Maura found her voice she decided she wanted to google about the stars in the clear night sky. So I listened on, once again fascinated about all she knew.

(Maura's POV)

I am not letting her leave in 3 weeks, I don't know what I am going to do yet, but I have to think of something. That was by far the best sex, no the most passionate love making that I have ever experienced in my whole life. I think I finally understand true love.

I never want to be without these arms around me, this is home. I never understood the saying he/she completes me, until now. Jane truly completes me. I knew it was getting late and that we needed to be up early to see Angela off, so after I finished talking about the constellations that were in the current night sky, I kissed Jane once again and let her know how much I loved her and how happy I was.

"Jane, as much as I would like to stay here and repeat this wonderful night, we need to be up early. So we best get dressed and head back. I will never forget this night and I look forward to many more nights like this."

With that I gave Jane one final kiss before getting dressed. Jane was speechless still, but once she had gotten dressed and helped me fold the blanket, she said "Thank you again for being so forgiving, I cannot imagine my life without you in it, a life where I would not be able to feel your love for me like that, and in turn show you all of the love I have for you. That was amazing, you are amazing"

We held hands the whole drive back. Then we quietly made our way into the house. While Jane locked up, I went to the fridge to get us some bottles of water. Then we went to "OUR" bedroom, changed into some pjs and called it a night. Morning would be here before we knew it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

(Jane's POV)

I awoke a few minutes ago, but I don't want to move. Maura is curled up into my side and I love the feeling of having her in my arms. This is the best way to wake up in the morning. I still cannot believe that we finally made love to one another. I can't even begin to explain how awesome it was. I can't even compare it to any of my past relationships, because there is no comparing. With Maura it was a mutual exchange of passion. It was the first time that I felt alive while sharing something that was so intimate. With my prior experiences, I never felt it was about me, or about us, it was about how the guy could get off, about what I would do for him. Before, the words spoken during sex with my other partners were mechanical, they held no meaning. Now, I could believe everything that Maura spoke to me, and I believed everything I spoke to her. With Casey, with Dean, with everyone else, I could have cared less about the sex, but with Maura, I don't think I want to go a day without making love to her. 

Well I can dream anyways. I have to go back to work in no time at all. Well I guess I have to make the most of what time we have, then I we will need to figure out how this distance thing is going to work.

I began to lightly rub my fingers along Maura's arm. I wanted to gently wake her up, so that I could make love to her before Ma or the kids woke up. After a few minutes she began to stir.

"Good morning my sweetums, sorry I woke you, well no really I am not.. I just couldn't wait to show you again how much I love you."

I didn't give Maura a chance to reply, I just began to kiss her and run my hand under her sleep shirt. Within no time flat I had her topless, kissing her everywhere now. Then just as my hand found its way into her nether region, just as I was about to rock her world, I heard the sounds of William and Emma coming through the monitor. Then if that wasn't a mood killer, I heard my Ma talking to them.

Maura was a giggling mess under me. How could she find this so funny? Then she pushed me off of her, put her clothes on, grabbed her robe and made her way for the door. As I sat there stunned, she turned to me giggling and said, "You owe me big, next time you think about starting something, you better be prepared to finish detective." Then she was gone.

I made my to the shower, I needed a quick cold one before I saw Ma. Once I was done and dressed I met up with the kids, Ma and Maura in the kitchen. Ma had her bags ready to go by the door, and Maura was setting her up with a coffee to go cup.

"Morning Ma, thank you again for watching the kids so I could take Maura out. We will have to take you to that Inn the next time we are all here together. The food was fabulous." I said then gave her a kiss and hug, which she was taken aback by. I am not an overly affectionate person so I wasn't surprised by her next comments.

"No, thank you's are needed, I love my grandkids. Maura, thank you for loving my daughter, I can see positive changes in her already. I mean did you see that, My Janie initiated a kiss and hug with her own mother. Now that's progress. By the time you come back home I won't even recognize you."

I looked over at Maura who had been laughing, but then I noticed a look of sadness cross her eyes, just before she shook it off and went to give Ma a kiss and hug goodbye. Then we helped carry her bags to the car while she said goodbye to the kids. Maura promised to try and visit before Thanksgiving, as we walked her to the car. Maura had William and I was holding Emma's hand. She was doing so well with her walking, almost no wobbling in site. We stood there waving until we could no longer see her car. Then we just looked at one another for a minute or two before we silently made our way into the house.

I placed Emma in her musical walking chair, it allowed her to walk back and forth on a 3 foot pad that had piano keys at her feet. With her hands she could make all kinds of noise. William was only a few feet from her in his play pen, he had a cloth book with animals on it, in his hands. Surrounding him were various stuffed animals. I stood there watching them for awhile, I realized that this was how they occupied themselves while Maura would get some work done around them. Just then Maura walked in carrying a laundry basket, and I went to go grab it from her, but she shook her head and said rather bitterly, "Jane I can get this, what do you think I have been doing all this time without you, and what I will keep on doing when your back in Boston."

I just stood there and watched her make her way to the couch where she began to fold the clothes.

(Maura's POV)

Even though the last couple days had been wonderful, especially last night. Reality found its way into my head and heart. When I heard Angela say to Jane, "By the time you come back home", it all hit me at once. I needed to figure out how I was going to handle Jane for the rest of her time here. I couldn't go on acting like this arrangement was permanent, I didn't want to fall apart when it was time for her go. I needed to think about how this was going to work. I needed to talk to Jane though, because I just bit her head off and she doesn't deserve it. So as I sat on the couch with the clothes, I turned to apologize.

"Jane, I am sorry I snapped at you. I know you were just trying to help and I appreciate it. I guess I was lost in a bit of a fairy tale these past 2 days. Last night was so wonderful and the thought of you leaving in a couple of weeks is causing me to miss you already. My mind is starting to have a bit of a melt down, and I don't know how to handle it. It's not that I don't want your help, but I am worried that I will become dependent upon it. Then when you do leave, how am I going to go back to doing it all by myself again?

I began to cry and Jane came over and held me. As she did she rubbed my back, which calmed me quickly. I pulled away and said, "I'm sorry I don't want to be an emotional mess, I want to enjoy the time we do have. I am kidding myself if I think I can do anything that will make it any less emotional when you do leave. So come on, you wanted to help, lets fold. Once we are done here I have to change the sheets out in the cribs and the guest rooms as well."

The rest of the morning, up until lunchtime, we spent working together getting all of my daily chores done. When it came to lunch, I told Jane to go play with the kids, while I got it ready. I wanted to make up for my earlier emotional break. I could still sense tension on Jane's part, it had been unfair of me to act the way I did. So I put together a basket full of lunch items for all us, and while Jane was in the living room, I loaded up the car seats into the XUV. Then I went back in to get the picnic basket and cooler. When I was sure I had everything, I went back in to get Jane, William, Emma and the play pen. The rest of the afternoon I wanted to spend outdoors in the sun with my family.

(Jane's POV)

I was not offended by Maura's outburst, I had the same issue in the back of my mind. Apart of me was scared to fully commit to enjoying myself, when I knew it was going to come to an end of sorts. I knew we were still going to be a couple, but we would have almost 200 miles between us. I could totally understand how Maura was feeling. I just wasn't ready to give up on my detective job, something was holding me back from just jumping into this domesticity.

The afternoon was a welcome distraction from all of the feelings and thoughts that had been churning in my head. Then I got to thinking that we were making it harder than we had to. I needed to just let things play out, and enjoy it. Yes, that is what I was going to do. Before we headed back to the house in the late afternoon, I could feel all of the tension that had been surrounding us subside.

That night we played music after dinner and danced around with Emma and Billy. The giggles that filled the air brought a smile to my face. Later William was using me as a mountain as I lay on the floor with him. He would crawl from the couch over to me, then climb over my body to the other side. Then he would turn around and go back the way he came. This went on and on. Meanwhile, Maura held Emma in her lap and read to her.

At 7:30 we gave the kids a bath and got them ready for bed. Once they went down, we both got ourselves ready for bed too. While Maura was in the bathroom, I lit some candles that Maura had out and put a CD into the Bose, a little mood music if you will. I dimmed the lights, pulled the covers down and sat up against the headboard awaiting the love of my life.

(Maura's POV)

I was almost finished getting ready for bed when I heard the sounds of the mix CD Jane had made me years ago. I instantly knew she was planning on an active night. My knees were already getting weak just from the thought. I quickly removed my pj's, and put on my short silk robe over my birthday suit. This was a much better choice. I then exited the bathroom and headed over to Jane.

We spent the next 3 hours making love as if it were our last time. We just couldn't get enough of each other. I knew we were both going to be sore tomorrow, but this was the best kind of sore. We both finally drifted off to sleep around midnight, and I knew no matter what, we would be fine.

The next few weeks were spent doing pretty much the same as we had been doing. We made plans to build a small cabin out by the lake in early spring, that way we could have camp outs with the kids as they got older, and also a nice escape for us if we had someone watching the kids back at the house. Jane said she would work on a few designs and have them ready for the next time we saw each other.

It had become easier with each passing day to talk about the inevitable. Our relationship had become closer and stronger in the past few weeks. I was no longer scared of her leaving. Jane finally told me about her ideas involving Thanksgiving and Christmas, I promised that I would work it out with Angela.

The last night Jane was here we carved the pumpkins for the kids and us. Halloween was 12 days away, but since Jane wouldn't be here and the kids were too young to know anything about it, we got it over with. That night we really never slept, a few naps here and there. Rest breaks really, I was amazed how well the kids slept through all of our screams of passion. Jane was sure leaving her mark that night. In the morning we never left the kitchen/living area, spending as much time with Emma and William. Finally I got up the nerve to talk to her about the idea of having more as we snuggled on the couch.

"Jane, I was thinking about our future and well I was wondering if, well ughhhh this is harder than I thought it would be. Jane, I know you love William and Emma, and you are really great with them. However I have been thinking about wanting more of them, even thinking seriously about wanting to give birth to a few. So what are your thoughts on that?"

Jane was looking at me like I had 2 heads at first, then she started to laugh, before finally saying,

"Sorry Honey, I didn't mean to laugh, but you are so adorable. You seemed really worried to ask me that. I have to say that I kinda figured it was a no brainer that we would have kids. I mean more kids, when we do the whole marriage thing. I was thinking more on the lines of adoption though, since neither of us is getting younger and I am not sure when we will be ready for marriage. I didn't know you would want to go through the whole pregnancy thing."

Okay, I needed to calm down, I was beginning to wonder how long Jane had planned on staying in Boston. Was she thinking years, as in William and Emma off to college years? No, calm down Maura.

"Jane, I really would like to get pregnant. I will always love Emma and William as if they were my own, as in if they came from me, but I want to experience a life growing inside of me. I think if I don't I might regret it later on. I know we are getting older, but I still am within my child bearing years. Even though they say its higher risk, I am very healthy. There is nothing that says we have to be married for me to become pregnant either. I mean I have William and Emma and we are not married, so who says we can't pick out a donor and try?"

(Jane's POV)

What the FUCK? She wants to get pregnant, she wants to get have a child and she doesn't think being married matters. So she wants to do this without me, with me, what? I know that legally I am not anything to William or Emma, but if we do marry I would want to legally be something to them.

"Maura, are you planning on this with or without me? I just need to know where my opinion stands. I know someday I want to marry you and when that time comes I thought you would also allow me to adopt William and Emma as well. I would want us to be a family, and that includes whatever other children we were to have. So the whole children out of marriage is making me question what you want."

Maura looked really sad now, scared even. But she eventually spoke up. "Jane, I want that too. I would love for you to be there other mother. I want them to call you Ma. I would want that for all of our children. I guess when you talk about our future together as a family it seems more distant than the one I picture. It sounds more like ten or more years down the road. I had hoped for 1 or 2 years at most. I will never pressure you, I told you that. I also hope that you can understand my maternal clock and if in 2 years we still are not ready for marriage, that you will still support me having children. I don't see how it would be any different than how things are now."

I heard what Maura was saying and it was true, if she went and had children now, it would be no different. I am the one choosing to keep us apart. I am the one choosing my job over being here with her and the kids now. I couldn't expect Maura to wait for me, because truthfully I didn't know when I would be ready to give up being one of Boston's Finest.

"You're right Maura. It wouldn't be any different. Whenever you decide you are ready to get pregnant, I will support you. If you want to choose a donor together, we can do that too. I love you Maur, and this what ever this is, we will make it work."

I had to be back to work in the early AM, so I decided to leave by 8pm, it gave me a chance to put the kids to bed one last time. I really was going to miss them. Thanksgiving wouldn't come soon enough for me.

The goodbye with Maura was easier than I thought. We were both able to keep the tears at bay. We knew it wasn't forever,. We knew we had our whole future.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Just a few more to go. I am considering mrj726 idea of doing a sequel. So I will probably leave this story a bit open ended as a lead in to another.

Thank you again for taking the time to review! :) Have a great day!

Chapter 11

(Jane's POV)

I have been back in Boston for four weeks now, another two until I see Maura. It hasn't been easy to find time to talk. Work just keeps getting in the way.

When I got back, my team picked up a triple homicide. The new CME and I are not getting along very well. I can't even believe I am saying this, but I wish Pike was here instead. With him I could at least convince him to run certain tests, or to take a second look, but this guy won't budge. The case could have been solved in half the time, but this bozo missed a key piece of evidence early on. Then to make matters worse, he labeled the DNA test with the wrong name, and it took an extra few days to track it down.

Once that case had been solved, I thought we were going to get a break. I had planned to spend the upcoming weekend with Maura and help her shop for the Thanksgiving dinner she was preparing. Ma was going to go up the day before to help her cook, and her parents should be there by then as well. But as luck would have it the FBI came and dropped a case in our laps. Apparently a serial killer who has evaded arrest in over 13 cities has made his way to Boston. Now I was no longer going to be able to keep my plans with Maura and the kids. This really sucked. The worse part is having to call Maura.

**(Phone Conversation Between Maura and Jane)**

Maura's cell was ringing and she answered a bit out of breath

"Hi Jane, how's it going? I wasn't expecting to hear from you until tonight."

"You okay Maur? You sound winded." Jane asked with concern in her voice

"The kids have me running a bit ragged at the moment. Emma came down with a respiratory flu the other day and now William has it as well. I just haven't been getting much sleep.

Jane could have sworn she heard someone else's voice in the background, but then figured it was the radio.

"Well you are going to really hate me, I just got stuck on a serial killer case with the FBI, I gotta cancel this weekend. Maybe I can see if Ma can come up and help."

Maura took a deep breath and sighed heavily into the phone, there was no hiding her sadness to this news. "Well you gotta do what you have to. Crime doesn't stop for holiday planning. I am sure if I ask Helen, she can watch Emma and Billy while I run my errands."

Jane was confused now,"Uh, who is Helen Maur?"

Maura was now speaking to someone else in the background saying, "I'll only be a moment." Then she spoke to Jane again, "Helen is a part time nurse at Emma and William's pediatricians office. We first met 2 weeks ago when I took the kids to Mommy and Me Yoga Class, then I ran into her when Emma became sick. Dr. Evans sent her to make a house call for William so that I didn't have to take Emma out. Actually I can't wait for you to meet her, she has become a fast friend, I think you both will hit it off as well. Her ex-wife Veronica, who I also met at Yoga, works for the State Police, she mentioned that they had some openings coming up."

What the FUCK? Wow little miss homemaker is making all kinds of friends. My blood was boiling at this moment, that woman was there playing house with Maura and the kids. What was the remark about job openings? I needed to get off the phone. "Well you go have fun with Helen, I have murders to solve, see ya when I see ya. If you need Ma, just give her a call. I'll probably be working late, so not sure when I can call again. Hope the kids are better soon. Bye"

Then I hung up, didn't even wait for her goodbye. I couldn't control my...my... what anger? Jealousy? I was having trouble breathing, my head was spinning, I felt like I was going to be sick. I ran from the squad room and reached the restroom, I locked myself in there, dropped down at the nearest toilet and vomited. When I couldn't get anything else out, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, dropped my head into my lap and cried.

I must have been in the restroom for at least 40 minutes. My cell had gone off numerous times, and then there were the texts. Apparently after I ran out of the squad room, Frost called Frankie and then he called Ma. Presently I could hear knocking on the door, and my Ma quietly and calmly calling my name. That really was something, Ma being quiet. I took a deep breath and lifted myself off of the floor, wiped my face the best I could and let Ma in. I was surprised to see that she was the only one there, and that seemed to calm me. I didn't want to deal with gawkers, I didn't want anyone seeing me as weak as I felt in that moment. However I was grateful that my Ma was there, she would be able to help me.

**(Meanwhile, back in Vermont)**

Why did it seem that Jane was mad at me? She actually hung up on me. I was sitting here running through our conversation, what did I say that could of upset her.

"Excuse me Maura, I don't mean to interrupt your thoughts, but I just wanted to let you know that I called Dr. Evans and she has called in a prescription for Synergist. Since he was a preemie, and his lungs were not fully developed at birth, he will be more susceptible to RSV. He had me bring along a dose of it in case I needed it, so I went ahead and gave him the shot. He will need to be given one shot per month for the next 6 months, then next September he will start up with the shots again. Preemies are treated with these shots until they are old enough to receive a regular flu vaccine. An outside agency will deliver the vaccine directly to your home, and since you are a doctor, you can administer the vaccine to him yourself. As for Emma, she seems to be doing much better. She is sleeping as is William." Helen said

I was listening to Helen about the kids, but apart of me was still concerned with Jane. I needed to focus on the children first though.

"Thank you Helen and please convey my appreciation to Dr. Evans for her help as well. I must say the convenience of a house call was very considerate." I said, not really in the mood to speak more.

Helen knew that something was bothering Maura and wanted to help. She had come to really enjoy their time together at Mommy and Me Yoga classes. When she learned that Maura was in a same sex relationship, she felt a kinship towards her, and she was so easy to talk to. They had become instant friends. Helen herself was a lesbian and shared custody of her 2 yr old daughter with her ex, but they were still able to remain friends for their daughters sake. Currently Helen was dating Dr. Evans, they had been together for the past year and she was very happy. She felt sad for Maura though, with her partner in Boston and practically alone raising two children. Until today though, Maura always appeared happy, never once complaining about a lack of time with her Jane.

"Maura, are you okay? You seem like your in a different world. Was that Jane on the phone?" Helen asked.

I didn't want to bother Helen with what was probably nothing more than a misunderstanding. I guess I just missed Jane, and the fact that she had to cancel was a bit upsetting. We both entered this knowing that work would always be an issue, but I had really thought that Jane would have at least considered a transfer. I know it had only been 4 weeks and I needed to give her more time. I just hope she is able to solve this case and be here for Thanksgiving.

"I am fine Helen, just tired and a bit preoccupied. Yes, that was Jane. She had a case come up and won't be able to make it for the weekend. I guess that is probably for the better, I wouldn't want her to catch what the kids have. She has a tendency not to get flu shots. Thank you again, I don't want to keep you, I will walk you out." I replied.

As we walked to the door Helen said, "Maura, if you need to run any errands this week, or weekend even, let me know. I can either run them for you, or else Jodi and I can look after the children."

I thanked her, but declined. I would either call Angela, or use the local grocers delivery service. I could hold off on the Holiday food shopping, I still had plenty of time.

I went back in, looked in on the children, then made myself some tea. I needed to clear the air with Jane and see what I did, so I decided to send her an email. I didn't want to bother her while she was working a case with back and forth texting. This way, she could reply when she had down time.

**(Back in Boston)**

"Janie, are you alright? Frost told Frankie you were on the phone one minute and the next you were running into here." Ma said.

I had calmed down a lot, and the tears were all cried out. All that was left was disappointment in myself.

"I screwed up again Ma. I overreacted to something Maura said to me and I basically hung up on her. She probably doesn't even know what she did. The thing is she didn't do anything wrong. Ever since I came back, its like I don't know what to do with myself. When I am working a case I am okay, well except for when I have to deal that M.E. It's my downtime that my mind goes to all of these places and I get angry. Usually I am mad at myself, but today I got angry at her. I am angry at her for being all the way up there. I am mad because she seems so damn happy, and I am so damn miserable without her."

Ma took my hand and led me out of the bathroom and into the nearby break room. She closed and locked the door once she made sure it was empty, then she pulled down the window shade. We both took a seat on the couch, which was against the far wall. Then she spoke,

"Janie, what do you want in life? Now before you answer, think about it. What can you live without, and what can't you? Where do you see yourself 2 yrs, 5yrs, 10 yrs down the road? Who is in that picture? If you answer those questions the way I think you will, then answer this one. What is keeping you in Boston? What is here that you can't have there? Maybe you don't love her as much as you say. Maybe she and the children are too much of a commitment for you. I love you Jane and not matter what you choose, I will support you. Now, think about it for a minute and let me know what is on your mind. Then maybe you can fill me in on what pushed you over the edge."

I had to give it Ma, she held back no punches. After a few minutes I answered.

"I guess I want it all Ma. I want this job that I love so much. I want Maura back at my side solving cases. I want to go home with Maura at the end of the day. I want to play with William and Emma, give them baths, listen to them giggle and see them smile. I want it all. I hate that Maura left, I hate that for the past 4 weeks Maura seems fine, like all is well in the world. Like she is okay with me being here and her there. Like she could keep things like this and be okay. She never seems sad, she hasn't cried, nor has she begged for me to come see her. She doesn't have a job, she could have come to see me."

Ma took my hand in hers and squeezed it, took a breath, and shook her head. I think she was trying to figure out what to say. Then she let me have it.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, do you really think this whole situation has been easy on her? Don't you think she wants the same with you? I know she does, minus the job part. Maura does not want that life anymore, she is doing what is best for her kids. Don't you dare blame her for the relocation, that is and always will be on you. You are just lucky she forgave you, that there should tell you how much she cares for you. I would not have been as forgiving. Do you think I had the life I always wanted Jane? Do you think your Pop had it all? No, neither of us did. When you find that someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, and you choose to have a family, you make sacrifices. You don't get to have it all. I think it is very selfish of you to want that."

Ma was shaking her head, I knew she had more to say, so I just waited.

"I know for a fact that Maura was going to come and see you a couple weeks back, but she changed her mind. You want to know why? All you kept talking to her on the phone about, was how much you hated the new CME. She knew the case was running you ragged and she was afraid that if she came you would try and drag her into it. She didn't want her time with you and the kids to be all about the case. She says that all you seem to be able to talk about is work with her. She gave up trying to tell you about the milestones the kids achieved in the past month, because you always cut her off before she had time to tell you. In my opinion, your actions are only going to prove to Maura that this is not meant to be. That maybe friendship is all you can offer. Why is this job still more important than her? And what do you mean she has no job? She is a mother, that is a 24 hr job. She can't be hopping back and forth all the time, children need structure at such an early age."

I waited for a minute and finally finished telling her everything. "I think she might be pulling away as well, moving on. She had someone over today, I heard her in the background. Maura said her name was Helen and that she was a nurse at the kids doctor. That she was their making a house call. I guess they see each other at Mommy and Me Yoga classes. If that wasn't enough to hear, she started talking about job openings at the state police. I got mad, first she is hanging with this woman, who is a lesbian, and then in another breath it felt like an ultimatum was starting, take this job or stay in Boston. I know its not what she really said, but its what I heard."

Ma was smiling now, almost laughing. I was becoming irritated, so she quickly explained.

"Oh Janie, Helen is dating the Children's doctor. Maura has no interest in her, nor is she out looking for someone. You really are obtuse at times. I have met her via Skype, Maura is allowed friends, I think she would go crazy if she didn't have adult contact. You really are being unfair to her. It is very simple Jane. You either choose to be with her and the kids, or you choose to remain here and be married to your job. You will not survive this relationship any other way."

I hung my head low, I knew she was right. I was not strong enough to keep this up. I had to face facts, I had to be honest with myself. I no longer looked forward to the job, but I was scared of change. I was scared that if I transferred, I would have to start from scratch. Here every knew Jane Rizzoli bad ass cop. What could I offer a department with very few murders a year, if any. I loved to solve the puzzles. What if I couldn't get a job in law enforcement? What then? I couldn't live off Maura's money. But the bigger questions were, What if I lost Maura because I waited too long? I had a lot to think about, and I needed to have an answer soon.'

I thanked my Ma and told her I would be okay, that I would talk to Maura soon and apologize. I left the break room and did what I do best, I through myself into the case.

**(Maura's Email to Jane)**

My dearest Jane,

I got the impression that you were upset about something today. I tried to rethink our conversation, and am not sure what I said or did. I hope my making a few friends is not what upsets you. I do get lonely from time to time, William and Emma are not very good conversationalists yet. I can only google mouth so much without the need for a reply. Yes I know we talk when we can, but lately it has been a bit one sided and that leaves me feeling a bit empty really. I know you are busy and that your job can be consuming, I don't expect you to turn it off, I just wish we, William, Emma and I.. could hold some of your interest. I miss you Jane, I miss us. I guess a part of me really thought you would have chosen to stay, or at least gone back to finish things up, pack and be here. I thought after all we said to one another, all that we shared during your time here, that we would have been enough for you. It saddens me to think that you are able to go back there and jump right back into the job and be okay. I find myself hating Frost, Korsak and the rest of the guys. I guess when you think about it, life there is simple. Work, ESPN, Dirty Robber with the guys, Family Dinner with Ma and the boys. Then there is complicated here, Children, diapers, baths, a yard to keep up, mouths to feed, early nights, no bars, no homicides to solve. I don't blame you Jane, I want you to be happy. I am happy too! I was able to live a fairy tale for 3 weeks of my life, and I will cherish that forever. We are good when we are together, but miserable apart. I don't want you to be miserable, I do not want you to struggle with having to make a choice. So I am choosing for you, You will always be my best friend, Detective Jane Rizzoli, One of Boston's Finest, go make me proud and keep the world safe.

This was not how I imagined this email going when I started, but it just hit me. Sometimes dreams cannot be a reality. Just remember my friend, I love you no matter what. I hope to see you for Thanksgiving still, and I hope you catch the bad guys.

All my love,

Maura

**(Back in Boston)**

Jane finally called it a night, no progress on the killers whereabouts. When she got to her apartment she took off her boots and went to get some sleep. Before closing her eyes she checked to see if she had any messages, that's when she saw an Email from Maura. When she was done reading, she cried herself to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

**(Jane's POV)**

I didn't sleep well, basically tossed and turned, never made it to deep sleep anyways. I knew what I needed to do, no that's not right. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew that this was what I should have done weeks ago. I was stupid in thinking I was going to have to change, that I was going to have to miss out on what had been important to me. Nothing had to change completely, instead things would just be different.

I called off from work and began to set things in motion. First I called Frankie and made a deal with him. Then I went online to find some forms that I would need to hand in. Next I had some shopping to do, which was easy because I had already thought about this weeks ago and knew just what I was getting. Then I made a very difficult phone call, which went better than expected. I know I am so vague. I dropped off the forms that I had filled out, then made my way to see Giovanni. After explaining what I was looking for, he made a few calls and within 2 hours and more paperwork filled out, I had what I wanted. I went home and packed a few bags, I knew I needed to have this conversation face to face.

At 6pm I was pulling up to Maura's home.

**(Maura's POV)**

When I awoke this morning I had been hoping to see a response to my email, but I should have known better. I truly believed what I had written. I couldn't blame Jane. I mean if I couldn't get myself to leave and go back to her, how could I expect her to do it for me. I know she loves me, and she knows I love her. I just think our timing stunk. Maybe the stars really do play apart in life's paths. I just hope Jane understood that I was not mad, that I held nothing against her. I hope she understood that I will always be here.

William and Emma were doing better, but their little bodies required more sleep to heal, so I found myself with more free time. I took this opportunity to shop online for some Christmas presents. I also started to look into snow plow services. There was no way I could shovel that drive by myself. Maybe when the kids were older I could get a plow for the XUV, but right now there was no other option.

The day was quiet, and actually progressed rather quickly. In no time at all I found myself giving the kids and early bath and then we laid down on a blanket I had in the living room. William was content to lay on his back and stare up at me, while Emma lay against me as I read a story. William was old enough to respond to his name, and he knew that Billy and William were both him. I caught him calling me Ma a few times, and it melted my heart. Emma's vocabulary was increasing daily. As I was about to start the second book, I heard a car pull up. I wasn't expecting anyone, so I found myself once again thinking about how I should get a dog to protect us. I placed Emma and William in the play pen and slowly made my way to the door.

When I looked out the front window, I saw a large black pickup truck. I couldn't make out the driver since it the driveway light was not lit in that area. I looked to the door where I kept a baseball bat, I do not know why I was freaking out, but unannounced visitors was not something I was accustomed to out here. As I made my way to the door and the bat, I thought about getting the children to their room, but then I heard a knock. After years of working with the police, I knew one thing, most intruders did not knock. That is not to say there are not psychos out there that would, but my nerves settled a little bit. I waited a minute to calm myself, I didn't want the person on the other side of the door to think I was some neurotic woman. As I held the bat in my right arm and behind my back, wishing that I had a peep hole in my oak door, I slowly opened the front door.

I was shocked to see Jane standing on front of me. I think it showed all over my face as well. She had the biggest smile on her face, and looked like she was holding back a laugh. I just stood there, I had emotions of shock then relief going through me. Jane's face had now changed to one of worry, then she broke the silence.

"Uh, Maur... Are you okay? You're beginning to scare me, are you even breathing right now?, 'cause your face is a bit pale."

I tried to talk, I opened and closed my mouth several times, before I heard my voice.

"Yes, Jane, please come in, I'm sorry... my manners seem to have left me. I have to admit you gave me a scare there for a minute. Well not you really,... I'm not accustomed to late night visitors, especially unannounced ones. Being in the country and set off the main rd, my mind sorta went into panic mode. For a minute I was processing how I was going to fend off a killer and save my babies. I have to say it is a good thing that you are you and not that crazed killer. I would have failed miserably. I guess tomorrow I will be going out and buying a very large dog...Anyways, come in... I was just reading to the kids before I scooped them into their play pen... Can I get you something to drink? Beer, Wine, Coffee, Water...Sorry I'm rambling..."

I was a nervous wreck. Why was Jane here, she was in the middle of a case. Why did she come unannounced? I must have looked like I felt, one big shaky mess. Jane grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug as she spoke.

"hey, calm down Maur. I'm sorry I scared you, that was not my intention. I wanted to surprise you. I didn't, well I couldn't reply to your email without doing it in person. So I made some arrangements back home and drove here as soon as I could. Now, are you okay now? Why don't you go sit and catch your breath, while I go get us something to drink."

Jane held me for a minute longer then kissed me on my head before heading to the kitchen. I still couldn't believe that Jane was in my house. Slowly I snapped out of my shock and I made my way to William and Emma. William was out like a light, so I picked him up first and carried him to his room, as I went by the kitchen entrance I called out to Jane and let her know what I was doing.

When I returned to the living room, Jane was rocking Emma in her arms, as she smiled down at her.

When she saw me she said, "Her eyes were getting really heavy, so I thought I'd give her a hand by rocking her the rest of the way. I can go lay her down for you if you'd like"

I leaned down to give Emma a kiss goodnight, then I let Jane put her to head. While she was away, I opened up the wine Jane had brought in and poured myself a glass. When Jane came back in she opened her beer and took a seat next to me.

I waited to see if Jane was going to start the impending conversation, since she was the one to come all this way. We seemed to be sitting there in silence for at least 3 to 5 minutes, when I broke the quiet.

"So, Did you solve the case that quickly? Or are you planning on driving back tonight for work tomorrow? I hope you aren't going to get into trouble just because you think you need to respond to my email, I mean we have been apart for 4 weeks now, whats another 4."

Jane still just sat there, I had already finished my first glass and was ready to pour another, when she finally spoke.

"Wait Maur, slow down. I'd really like to make sure you're sober for this. I am so sorry if I made you feel like I was all settled back into my old life in Boston. When I got back I didn't know how to be. I found myself not wanting to go home, because well it was quiet, too quiet. I realized that it was like a hotel to me, a place to sleep, nothing more. So yes, I went out most nights to the robber with one of the guys, or else I was visiting Ma, or Tommy, TJ and Lydia, not Frankie though, we still are on the outs over you. I had to fill what spare time I did have, which wasn't much, these past few weeks were tiresome, because I missed you, William and Emma. When we talked I know I monopolized the conversations with work and I know I complained about the new M.E., but it wasn't because I didn't want to know about your day, or how the kids were, I couldn't bare to picture you and them without me. I was wrong to think that I needed to figure out how to fit you guys into my life in Boston. I was wrong to think that I was going to lose out on what I had there. Not just the job, but the family, the guys, then yeah the job. But not in the sense that you think. I know I could easily transfer, my record proves that I am damn good at what I do. But to go from the city of Boston where we have high profile cases, and well a large quantity of them, to a small Podunk town with zero homicides, and the worst offense is your neighbor caught jay walking in the nude, is a lot to give up. I love to solve the puzzles, I didn't know if I wanted to give it up, or if I ever could... Then I have to admit I went a bit bonkers yesterday when I called you. You see, I had been feeling the same as you. I thought you would have displayed a more sad demeanor towards my absence. I thought you would have made an attempt to visit me. To show me that we could do this distance relationship thing. You never came Maur, and then when I heard you talk about joining this Mommy and Me Yoga thing, and making friends, well not just any friends,... lesbian friends,...even worse... divorced lesbian friends. I felt like you were replacing me, like I should have been the one to help you. I hated myself for not staying there, for not being strong enough to walk away from the job. So I overreacted and hung up on you... But then Ma came and found me, and well she gave it to me. She made me think, and she also filled me in on Helen. I had conjured up this whole scenario in my head where the two of you were making love and raising these kids together. I got so worked up, I was so mad at you. That was supposed to be us. But Ma, she made me look into myself. It didn't take much because deep down I knew it was all me. I knew it was my anger at myself for not being able to take what I wanted most. I made some decisions about what I want, and I can say with all certainty its the only decision that makes sense. I will not be second guessing myself, it would be unfair to you or the kids for me to not to have thought everything through. Before I tell you about this, I need for you to explain to me how you could so easily let me go. Not completely, I mean I know were friends, but how or why did you choose for me to stay in Boston? I need to understand where you are right now."

I am very confused right now, one minute I think Jane is choosing me, then the next I think she is choosing to just be friends and stay in Boston. I thought I explained myself clearly in the email, but I guess I will have to try harder to explain, the last thing I want to do is hurt her.

"Jane, I need to get some water, I will bring you back one as well. Then I will try to elaborate on what I said."

A/N: OOPS another cliff hanger, sorry... well no not really. I wanted to stop here so I could work on the next chap for tomorrow. Somehow my postings caught up to the finished product. To give you a clue to Jane's decision, Why would she come to Maura's in a pickup truck?

Have a Great Day! Remember to tell someone that you love them today, even if it's your pet. The expression is not only beneficial to the one you say it too, but it does wonders for your own heart as well.:)


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

(Maura's POV)

I returned with the water and sat back down next to Jane. After taking a long draw on the water, I said..

"Jane, I love you. I am madly in love with you. It started from the time we first met, and it grew from there. My email if anything should prove to you just how much I love you. I want you to be happy. You being a bad ass cop makes you happy. Even though you complain about your family, you love them and I cannot ask you to leave them. As much as I love you, as much as you and I are right together, I don't want to be your daily reminder of why you no longer have that life. We were insane to think we could make this Vermont to Massachusetts thing work for a relationship. A friendship could work, but not the more. I get jealous of your time with the guys and family... And you get jealous because I make a friend or two. That is not healthy."

I got up to walk, I needed to move around, so I found myself pacing and pausing every now and then as I continued to speak.

"Jane, think about this, I have been. Why do I have the right to ask you to move here, get a new job, and leave Boston behind? Do you not have the same right to expect me to move back? If I cannot drop this for you, then what does that say about me? I even went as far as making a PRO's and CON's list. I needed to figure out why I am so rooted to this new place. The Pro's are all selfish. Which is not fair to you, no matter how much I Love you, I cannot go back there. To visit yes, to live no."

(Jane's POV)

I understood now, the love was there like it had always been. I could also tell in her pained expressions how hard this has been for her. I guess that is what I needed to see. I needed an affirmation to her hurting too. Funny thing is I do not think she is being selfish, I wanted to see those lists."

"Maur, please sit back down. Do you think I could see the lists? See what that mind of yours came up with? For the record, I do not think you are being selfish. You made it very clear the first day I came here, that before we started anything that I needed to know that this was your home now. I love you Maura, even though I hid it, I have been in love with you for along time. I even think I love this Vermont Maura even more so. So no, I don't want you to think I would resent you. I never would."

Maura reached over and opened up the drawer on her coffee table, and handed me her lists.

**Boston**

**Pro's**

**Con's**

Jane

Doyle and his mob buddies– Tired of being associated with him

The Rizzoli's

Hoyt, Dominic, Future Pyscho's who fixate on Jane

Korsak, Frost, Sean

Too close to the job – I want change, no I need change

Ease of access to Restaurants, Museums

Not where I want to raise kids

**Vermont**

**Pro's**

**Con's**

Great Place for kids to grow up

No Jane, unless she decides to come, still my LLBFF

Quiet- I am at peace here

Rizzoli's- But they will come to visit, still family

I am Maura Isles – I had lost myself in Boston

Korsak, Frost, Sean- They too will come, still friends

A new start – I feel more alive

Fresh air, Clear sky

No stress-

No nightmares- Sleep comes easy now

Not big city life , Low crime rate

No Doyle, no Irish mob

After I looked this over, I really did understand. Maura was more alive now, she was happier. Things had become darker in Boston for her. She had been broken down by so much over the years. First finding out who her biological father was and losing a half brother she never had a chance to know. Questioning her DNA and who she really was inside. Having the City find out who she was and be spread across the front page news, and not in a good light. Placing the Isles name in a bad light, and the guilt that came with it. She almost lost her adoptive mother because of the job. She almost died at the hands of Hoyt, then Dennis. She had to witness me with all of my close calls, not to mention I shot myself in front of her. I push so much of what happens aside that I forget how it effects others. Maura has always been there for me, and I have a bad habit of forgetting that she hurts as well. Then how can I forget, her meeting with her biological mom and half sister. Hope still hasn't been a positive aspect in her life, probably never will be.

I notice that Maura is staring out into the room, I reach over and pull her into my arms, which startles her for a minute. Then she turns to me and gives me a small smile. I kiss her forehead then her cheek and finally a chaste kiss, before I get to the real why of my being there.

"I love you Maur. I need to tell you something, well actually I need to ask you something, ughh, no first I need to …... Why is this so hard? I had it all planned out in my head earlier...

Let me show you something first, it is outside, will you come with me?"

(Maura's POV)

I nodded and held Jane's head as she led me outside, making sure to grab the baby monitor before we got outside.

I totally forgot that the vehicle she had drove up in was a large black pickup. In fact it was 4 door Nissan, a beautiful truck.

"Where did you get the truck? It is gorgeous." I asked her.

Jane was laughing as she answered, "Well I figured that with all the snow and the mountains it would handle the roads better. Not to mention it can hold lots of lumber in the back for when I build you and the kids that cabin."

The look on her face told me that she was not through, I could see her mind was scheming about something. Before I had a chance to say anything, She grabbed a bag from her truck, pulled my hand with her and led me to the back yard. We were headed for the bench which overlooked a small water garden. Jane motioned for me to sit while she reached into her bag and pulled out a blanket. I watched as she laid it out on the ground. Then she reached for my hand and led me to sit down on it. I was still unsure as to what was going on, but she had me intrigued. She reached into her bag for what appeared to be a stack of papers, before handing them to me she said,

"Maur, I made a lot of decisions before I came here, and as I've said nothing will make me change my mind. However, after reading your Pro's and Con's list I have to say I totally see why this place is so important to you. I know we both have had a lot happen to us over the years, but the past 2 years have been very cruel to you. I don't think that I was as supportive as I should have been. I made jokes and tried to get you to blow it all off. I don't think I truly allowed myself to see the toll it had taken on you. I look at you now and I can really see the change that this place has made. I can see how life in Boston had become too much for you..."

Jane paused thought a bit and then continued...

"If I am being totally honest, I have to admit that the job has taken its toll on me as well. During the three weeks I was here, it had been the first time in a very long time, that I allowed myself to relax. I was able to go to sleep knowing that a call wouldn't come in the middle of the night. When I returned I was refreshed, but I also realized that it wasn't the same. When I first got out of the academy and when I first made detective I was all gung ho, wanting to prove myself and be the best. It was exciting to get up and go to work and wait for the next case, the next mystery. I don't know when it had changed, but it must have, because now without you there by my side, it's no longer exciting. I don't have the same drive, it is just a job. It is just another killer, another victim. I realize that I am not making a difference. If I were, we would have less bad guys, which isn't the case. The only difference I seem to make is maybe being able to catch them quicker. I stopped and thought about how many people I have put away, I mean its been 20 years since I graduated from the academy. That's a lot of bad people...

I guess what I am trying to say is, I don't love the job as much as I used to, I don't love the job as much as I thought I did, or how much you think I do. If my words don't convince you, then maybe this will"

Jane then released the papers she had been holding out into my hands. I had a feeling I knew what they were, and I must say I was a bit shocked.

There in my hands were copies of her official application for early retirement. I must have looked like a fish, opening and closing my mouth, with no words coming out. My eyes must have looked like they would pop out, finally all I could say was, "Are you sure?"

Jane smiled at me, then she reached back over to her bag and pulled out a smaller bag. She knelt down in front of me, grabbed my hands in hers and said, "Yes, I have positive. Maura I never should have left. I haven't felt right since, well until now. I am never going to leave again. Tommy, Frankie and Ma will pack up the apartment and bring it at Thanksgiving. Well that is if you want me, and wait... before you answer, I am not giving myself to you as your girlfriend. I want it all Maur, I want you , I want the kids, I want more kids... So Maura Dorothea Isles will you marry me?"

Oh my, Oh my Oh my... I think my heart is stopping, no that is not a possibility, I can't breathe, I am sure of it... No I must be breathing, because my heart won't stop hammering inside my chest. I quickly get up from sitting position and I leap onto Jane, causing her and I to fall over. I start peppering her face with kisses alternating it with the word Yes over and over again. Jane was laughing uncontrollably and soon I found myself laughing with joy as well.

Once we settled down over the excitement, I kissed Jane with as much passion as I could generate. Then she reached into the bag and pulled out a beautiful engagement ring, and placed it on my finger as she said..

"I just want you to know that I was a bit old fashioned, I made sure to ask your father and mother for their permission. I was given the green light and they are very happy for us"

(Jane's POV)

She said Yes! I guess she didn't feel it was too soon to ask. I know in my heart that this is our new beginning and that from here on out everything looks bright for our future.

I led her back into the house and we checked on the children before retiring to her room, well our room for the night. No sleep for us though, we had some celebrating to do. I was going to rock her world.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Need some help deciding what to do with Jane's future career. I think Maura will eventually join Dr. Evans practice , not 100% sure though. But as for Jane I have a few ideas, but am open to suggestions. So let me know what you think! Thank you again for the reviews, I am glad you are enjoying.

My Ideas for Jane:

A) Law enforcement of some sort in town, or state police  
B) Writes a book  
C) Baseball/football coach for grade school kids  
D) suggestions?

E)Combination of B&C

**Chapter 14**

**(Jane's POV)**

Sometime in the early hours our bodies shut down and sleep overtook us. When I awoke I was happy to see Maura still enveloped up into my side. I smiled down at her and kissed her bare shoulder. She began to stir with her eyes still closed and if it wasn't for her speaking, I would have thought she was still asleep.

"Morning beautiful, I am scared to open my eyes, Did last night really happen? Are we really engaged? Please tell me this is real."

I flipped her over onto her back and straddled her, then I proceeded to make love to her once again. Which was no easy task this time, because Maura was taken over by a fit of giggles, I mean how rude. Just kidding, I loved hearing her. This was so right, I was so happy.

A little while later we heard the sounds of Mum, Mum over and over. It was the first time that I heard Emma say that, I couldn't wait for her to have a name for me as well. We got up and started the day. Just like a month ago, we fell into an easy rhythm together. In no time the kids were changed, fed and ready for their active time.

Maura said that Emma seemed to be over the Flu, and that William's cough seemed to be much better today. She said that she wanted to give him at least 2 more days before taking him out of the house.

**(Maura's POV)**

While Jane watched the kids I took the opportunity to hit the shower first. I was still in shock, but a happy shock. As I showered I came up with a lot of questions that I needed to ask her. So I quickly dried off and dressed so that I could go join her.

As I entered the living area I smiled at the how right it felt. I joined Jane on the floor with Emma, where they were playing with some blocks. Billy was laying on a quilt and playing with a set of plastic keys, as drool ran down his face. He was cutting some teeth, and the keys were helping to soothe his gums.

"Hi sweetheart, I promise I left you hot water, if you'd like to go take a shower."

Jane laughed, but then pulled me closer and said, "I just want to sit here and hold you for awhile."

I smiled back and gave her a quick peck, then I said,"I came up with a few questions while in the shower, do you mind if we talk about stuff?"

She smiled and said, "Of Course that big brain is in "ON" mode, sure ask away."

"Okay, first off, where is Jo Friday?" I figured to start out small.

Jane looked at me weird then said, "She'll be here next week, but if you want a big guard dog, she isn't it."

I lightly smacked her arm and continued, "That's not why I asked, and well now that I have you, who needs a big guard dog. So when should we set the date for? And do you want a big wedding or small?

Jane seemed to ponder this one, and after a brief moment said, "Sooner the better, I know you and your family will probably want a big elaborate event, and if you do that's okay. But I would rather have something small and private."

"Well I am pleased to her the sooner part, I am more than ready to be your wife. It may surprise you though, I would be happy with either a small affair here on the property, or an even smaller affair at an Inn. I do not want a big wedding, just you, me, the kids and our closest friends and family. Maybe we could plan for early December. That way I know my parents will be in the country and they could help Angela watch the babies while we take a short honeymoon. We would then come back and have our first Christmas to celebrate. Is that too soon?" I asked.

Jane started to laugh, then hugged me close as she spoke in my ear, "If the kids were 100% healthy I would drive you down to the nearest justice of the peace and make you my wife today. I don't need Ma, or anyone else there. They can come to the party after. As for a honeymoon, I agree something short, I don't think I could be away from these 2 munchkins for long, however I also want as much time as I can to make love to my wife. I don't know if you realize it or not, but I am addicted to you."

I laughed and then kissed her, if it hadn't been for Emma swatting her hands at us, we would have gone on to kiss longer. I placed Emma in my lap and made up my mind. "How about we plan for Monday or Tuesday, I can ask Helen if she and Jodi would stand up for us and they could also watch the kids while we exchange vows. Then on Thanksgiving we will celebrate with the Family. It will be our little surprise for them. As far as a honeymoon goes, we can take some time while my mother and father are here. We don't need to go far, there are so many inns to choose from."

**(Jane's POV)**

I never thought that I would be excited for a wedding, as I was right now. This was really happening. One would think that I would be freaking out, but how could I be, this was what I wanted forever.

"Let's get your laptop and start to plan this thing. We will need to get a license and make sure they are available to marry us. I guess you should contact your friends and see if they want to come by for dinner so we can ask them to help us out. We should come up with options for the Inn, but maybe wait to decide the when, lets not dump it on your parents first thing."

Maura agreed and we spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon making arrangements. We were able to apply for the license online, and would be able to pick it up on Monday morning, just in time for our late afternoon wedding. Maura was not concerned about a wedding dress, she said she had something to wear in her closet. Since I had brought all of my clothes with me, I too had a very nice pantsuit that Maura had bought for me. We didn't feel the need to wear white, it was going to be simple. It was exactly what I had envisioned, minus the Red Sox jersey.

That night I met Helen and Jodi, and just as Maura had said they were really great ladies. They were extremely happy to be apart of our big day, and as a thank you, we invited them to Thanksgiving.

Later in the evening while we were enjoying coffee and conversation. Helen brought up my new unemployment status.

"So Jane, If you took early retirement, what are your plans for the future?" Helen asked

I looked over at Maura who seemed to be interested in my answer. This was one topic that we had not addressed. In fact it I had no idea how to answer her, because honestly I had not given it any thought.

I cleared y throat and said, "I am not sure Helen. I want to concentrate on getting married first. Then there's Thanksgiving, and Christmas. So I probably won't give it much thought until sometime in the new year. I want to enjoy time with Maura and the kids for now. It's kinda funny how I don't see it as a pressing issue. I have no worries that when the time comes, I will know what's right."

I could see that Maura's eyes conveyed Love and understanding in that moment. I knew she would support whatever I decided and when I chose to decide. Yes, as Maura would say, the planets and stars are completely aligned right now.

We ended the evening soon after, and went about our nightly routine. That night we let sleep take us early on, our bodies needed to catch up still from the previous nights activities. I was just content to have Maura in my arms.

**(Maura's POV)**

The next morning I woke before Jane and quietly got out of bed. I had some emails to send and wanted to do it without Jane around. First one was to my financial lawyer. I requested that he put Jane's name on all of my accounts, and to also apply to have her name added to the deed on all of my homes. If we were to share a life, she deserved to share in whatever I had. No prenups for me, I have no intention of ever divorcing her. She is stuck with me. I told him to call when he got in if he needed any info. The next email was similar, I contacted my adoption attorney and asked him to start paperwork for Jane to be added as co-parent to William and Emma. I wanted this to be my wedding gift to her.

The rest of the day went about the same as the previous, with the exception of visitors. Tomorrow we planned to get all of the shopping done for Thanksgiving, and I needed to go buy Jane a ring.

Monday morning was here before we knew it. After Breakfast we ran into town to pick up our license and by 11 am we came back home to meet up with Helen and Jodi. They took care of the kids while Jane and I got ready. Of course it took me 2 hours to shower, do my hair, nails, face, dress etc... I still do not know how Jane can get done in half the time and look so gorgeous. She looked like a runway model.

I had outfits for Emma and Billy picked out and Helen and Jodi made sure they were all clean and ready to go. By 1:20 we were all loaded into 2 cars and headed to the courthouse.

The ceremony was beautiful even though short. We chose not write our own vows because in the past 2 months we had poured so much from our souls, that we already knew what was in each others hearts. We didn't need to profess to anyone else, those words belonged to us. So we went the traditional and simple route. I think we were both just waiting for the officiant to pronounce us wife and wife, so we could kiss and be legally married. What a kiss it turned out to be too, the Judge was blushing a deep shade of red at the end.

Helen and Jodi offered to watch the kids for the night, but we just wanted to spend time as a family. So we thanked them again and told them that we looked forward to having them at the party on Thursday.

When we drove from the courthouse I told Jane to head to the Adair Country Inn, I had made early dinner reservations for us as a surprise. While we waited for our dinner to arrive, I presented Jane with 2 envelopes.

"I know we said I Do's and we are all legal, but this is just affirming that we are one now. The official papers still have to be processed, but all the legalities have been completed. I love you Jane and you have made me the happiest woman."

Jane was looking over the outside of the envelopes as if they contained a toxic substance, then she looked to me and with a nervous laugh said, "Which one should I open first?"

I pointed to the one that I was sure she would be the most excited about. As I watched her open it, pull it out and then read. I knew I was right. Happy tears began to pour down her face, and her smile grew really big. She leaned across the table and gave me a kiss, then she gave William and Emma kisses as well.

"Well kids, looks like you are officially stuck with me as your Ma. I promise to love you and keep you safe. We will have so much fun together, all of us. Thank you Maur, this is the best gift you have ever given me. I love you."

Then she went on to open the second envelope, this one brought shock to her face, and then she began to shake her head back and forth. "No way Maura, I cannot except this. What would your parents say? They are going to think that I quit my job and came here to mooch off you and be the pool girl. No way."

Yep, I married a drama queen. "Jane, my parents would think no such thing. Do you think my father was viewed as a mooch? He did not come from wealth, that was all from my Mother and her parents. You and I are a complete unit now. What I have is yours and what you have is mine. In other words all of those recipes your mother passed down to you from her mother, are mine now. We have children to raise, they are not cheap. This money is theirs as well, so you had better find a way to be comfortable with it. It is yours to spend, as well as mine. We are equals. As for the houses, we can decide which we should keep and which we should sell for maybe a more family themed destination. Point is we decide together, this is ours now."

Jane drank down all of her wine in one big gulp. "This is just so much to take in Babe, I mean I never knew you owned all of these places. You mean to tell me if we would have taken time off and actually took a vacation, that we could have gone to your house in the south of France. Why do you own all these places, if you don't go there?"

I laughed, "Jane, most of these homes I did not purchase. 2 were willed to me by my grandparents and the house in southern France was from my parents when I graduated medical school. I used to go to them, but then I met you and your family and I no longer needed to run away. That's what I used them for, escapes from life and people."

The waiter soon came over and we dropped the subject of money, I knew Jane would be okay with it. When we finished up we drove home and had a relaxing evening. Once the kids were in bed, we made love as wife and wife for the first time, and the second and the third, well you get the idea.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Thank you for the responses, there is still time to give your opinion, Jane won't be going back to work anytime soon. You will have to wait until the sequel for that, which I will need to have time to plan out.

**Chapter 15**

**(Jane's POV)**

I awoke earlier than usual today, even before my beautiful wife. Wow, it has only been a few days as wife and wife, but I have to say I finally did the right thing for once. Why I had ever been afraid of this is beyond me.

Today was a big day, no huge really. First, we have Maura's parents arriving and meeting their grandchildren for the first time. Then the obvious, it is Thanksgiving, a day of 3 F's, Food, Family and Football. But most importantly and also what had me up this early, the announcement that Maura and I married. Yes it is a wonderful thing, and I wouldn't change how we did it, but I knew deep down Ma was going to be pissed off at me. Not Maura though, she will hug her and tell her wonderful things. Not me though, I will be the horrible daughter who deprived her of seeing her only daughter get married. Eventually she will forgive me and be happy for all of us, then it will be on to when we will give her more grandkids. Now that actually beings a smile to my face for the first time in my life. I used to hate Ma bringing it up, maybe because the thought of me being pregnant is not something I ever envisioned, or wanted to experience. But to see Maura pregnant, to be by her side through it all, to be able to have a child with her, well that was something I couldn't wait for. I always had feared being a parent. Never thought I would be a good one, but now with Emma and Billy, I can't imagine life without, I believe I am a positive factor in their life.

I went out to the kitchen to get a jump on some of the party prep. Yesterday we tackled the house preparations. Cleaning, vacuuming, table set up and of course guest rooms were freshened up for Ma, and Maura's parents. We had asked Ma to hold off on coming the day before and instead stay for the Holiday weekend, she was happy with that, more time for her grand-babies. Tommy, Lydia, TJ, Frankie, Frost, Korsak and Sean would be coming, but they had to head back later in the evening.

Maura wanted to have everyone seated at a large family table, so we had run out yesterday and bought a 16' harvest table in oak. The table could be made smaller since it had 8 leafs. We placed it in the sun room so our guests could have a view of the trees and mountains. The forecasters were calling for some snow later in the day, so we knew the view would be spectacular. I got the tablecloths out and ironed them before placing them down, followed by napkins, and all of the stemware and dinnerware. Then I went about putting place cards down. The table could hold 10 chairs on each side and one at each end, so we were able to plan for 3 highchairs and a toddler seat to fit in comfortably.

In the living room we had 2 long buffet tables set up to place the food on, so the guests could serve themselves, instead of trying to pass dishes around the dinner table. So I placed the tablecloths on those as well. While I was finishing up Maura had awoke and came out to join me.

"Well looks like someone is anxious today, you should have woke me, I would have got up with you" Maura said.

I pulled her into a hug and gave her a good morning kiss, then replied, "Nope, you will be happy later that I didn't wake you. We have a big day ahead of us, and it will be nice, but exhausting. If my mind would have cooperated I would have been in bed with you."

Maura looked at me funny and said, "Your mind? What's wrong? You aren't worried about what everyone will say are you?"

I could see the panic and concern beginning to make its way into Maura's eyes, so I immediately put her fears to rest, "Nothings wrong, I guess I was just thinking about everything that I would have to confront today. Most of it is Great stuff, but some of it has me concerned. On the great side we get to announce our marriage. I get to meet your father face to face for the first time. Which is a bit nerve racking, but he seemed happy with me when we talked. We get to witness your parents meeting the kids for the first time, that will be a happy moment... Okay I can tell you are more interested in my concerns, but I think I thought through the toughest. Ma is going to be mad at me for not letting her witness our wedding."

Maura goes from concern to laughter, then she tries to cover it up, which sorry I saw it. So she says,

"Is that the concern? Honey, she may have an initial uproar, but I think overall she will be happy for us. If you want to avoid a possible scene, then why don't we pull her aside when she gets here and let her in on it before the big announcement. Would you feel better with that?"

I was smiling now, "Yes, that would make me feel so much better. You would really be okay with her knowing before your parents?"

Maura shook her head and replied, "Jane, you already asked my parents for permission, so really they have a one up on Angela. So to be fair, she should hear the official news first, or else you will be in even more trouble. So what are your other concerns for the day?"

I took her by the hand and we walked to the kitchen where I proceeded to pour us some coffee, then said..." Here you go, morning jolt of caffeine... This will be the first time that I see Frost and Korsak since I left work that day. I never faced them and told them about my early retirement. In fact, I asked Sean to keep it under wraps for awhile. You see before the retirement goes into effect, I have to use up all of my vacation time. Which as you know, was a lot. Frankie, Tommy and Ma have also been sworn to secrecy about them moving my stuff up here. I just don't know how they are going to take it. I mean I think they will be happy for me, for us. But, I feel like I am abandoning them."

**(Maura's POV)**

I was a bit shocked to hear that Jane hadn't informed everyone of her intentions before leaving. We had not really discussed it in detail before now. I could tell that this was weighing heavily on Jane, even if she was playing it off as a minor concern.

"Jane, I don't think abandoning them is the right term. I do think they deserve to be told in private though. It will be a shock to them I think. It was a shock to me when you showed up and then told me of your plans. During the 4 weeks you were back with them, did you ever give them a hint as to the possibility that you would leave? Even if it was a long term plan."

Jane looked at the ground and then after a few minutes she focused on me again and said, "When I first went back and told them that we were in a long distance relationship, they could see it was going to be hard on me. They both tried to convince me that you would come back, that I needed to give you time. I knew you wouldn't though, I tried to tell them that. I guess a part of me hoped you would, but in my heart I knew this is where you belonged now. So no, I don't think they will have seen this coming. Don't worry though, I have no regrets."

I could tell Jane was being truthful with that admission, so I wasn't worried about her second guessing. The guys would be okay.

We went about getting the turkey prepped, and into the oven by 7am. Soon after the kids were up and ready for their first Thanksgiving. Jane had bought a long sleeve onesie for Billy that had a turkey and said Momma's Little Gobbler on it, which he wore with a pair of sweat pants. For Emma, Jane had bought a New England Patriots onesie. Her reasoning, she needed to ensure that her daughter was a sports lover like her. I knew my parents would probably be mortified that she was not in a dress, but these children are apart of Jane too, and they would have to deal. Not to mention they would have to get used to me being less fashion conscious these days. I would be wearing a woman's Patriot's V Neck Jersey and a pair of yoga pants, and Jane had her Team Jersey with matching sweats.

Angela was the first to arrive at 9am. Jane went out to retrieve the pies and cannoli that she had brought with her, while Angela went straight to her grand-babies. After Jane put the desserts away for later she joined her mother and I in the living room.

I could tell Jane wanted to begin her talk with Angela, but first she needed to get her to stop focusing on the kids. Finally Jane couldn't take it any more and said, "Hey Ma, remember us? I know the kids are cute and all, but do you think you could contain yourself for a few minutes and give us your attention. I would think you would want to know how things are going with us. Especially since you helped Frankie pack my stuff up."

Angela looked to both of us, then said, "Well, I figured you were both okay since you didn't call to cancel and after our discussion I was giving you space to figure everything out. So is everything okay? Did you both sort through whatever needed to be sorted?"

I watched as Jane began to get a bit nervous, then I reached out for her hand to give my support. We both chose to keep our rings off until we made our announcement to Angela. Jane squeezed my hand back in as a silent thank you, then said. "Ma, we have something to tell you, but I hope you are not mad. We are better than fine, we are great. In fact before coming here I made up my mind that I wanted it all with Maura. I didn't want to come here and date her, because really we already have done the dating thing, I wanted to come and ask Maura to marry me...

At this point Angela cut Jane off and said, "Oh my God, my girls are getting married, how much time do I have to plan? Maura can I come with you to pick out your dress?...

Jane had to put a stop to this, "Ma STOP!, Just listen okay... Here me out... Maura said yes and we decided we didn't want a big wedding. We just wanted to be simple. So on Monday, Maura and I got married."

The last part Jane blurted out so fast, I wasn't quite sure Angela even heard her. But then she looked to me as a way of confirmation, and I felt bad for the first time. The look on her face broke my heart, and all I could do was nod an affirmative.

She sat there in silence for a bit and then pulled me into a hug and said, "I am happy to officially call you my daughter, there is no need for the in-law crap. I can forgive you for taking away the wedding excitement, as long as you both promise that I will be getting more grand-babies. I would also like to be present for at least one of their births."

Jane and I looked to one another and realized we had no option but to agree, once we did Angela burst out with excitement and congratulated us both. Then we had to get our rings and tell her all about it.

At 10 AM my parents arrived, and after they had some time to meet the kids, we informed them as well about our recent nuptials. My parents being the more non involved type, were not put off at all. They congratulated us and asked if we planned on taking a honeymoon. We said that we had talked about taking a few days before Christmas as long as they would be comfortable babysitting while they were in town. Which of course they said they would be happy to do.

By 11 am Tommy, Lydia and TJ showed up along with a rental truck driven by Frankie. While Jane helped them unload the stuff into the garage, (we would work her stuff in over the next few days), I was in the kitchen with Angela. My parents took the time to get to know William and Emma, while Jo Friday got reaquainted with Bass.

By noon Korsak and Frost were there, and before they even had a chance to say hello to everyone, Jane was dragging them outside.

(Jane's POV)

I wanted to get Korsak and Frost alone before anyone slipped up. I took them outside and sat in the garden with them. The looks on their faces told me that they knew something was up, so I wasted no time in telling them. "So as you may have heard from Sean, I took an immediate vacation. I truly am sorry that I left you guys in the lurch with the FBI and finding the serial killer, were you able to close it out?"

Frost answered this one, "Yeah Jane, the guy was spotted on a ferry heading over to Charlestown, the feds picked him up and end of story. We knew something had to be up with the way you left. Is everything worked out now?"

I was glad they caught the guy, I think I would have felt worse for leaving the way I did.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I worked out everything that I needed to. I want you guys to know that I made some decisions, and I can honestly tell that they were the right ones for me, Maura and the kids. Um, at the end of my vacation, I will not be returning. I actually put in for early retirement."

Korsak was the first to respond, "Well you beat me to it Janie, good for you. Maura is definitely worth it. I am happy for you both. So do you have plans for the future? Are you joining up with the local police or is it sheriff here?"

I knew this would be brought up but before I could answer Frost spoke up, "Why Jane, I never thought you would walk away, I mean Maura and you are perfect for one another, but I guess I thought Maura would be the one to come back. Being a detective was you life, how are you going to handle not doing that anymore? It won't be the same without you, but I guess I'll have to deal with it. So yeah, I am happy for you as long as this is what you really want."

So Frost was a bit unhappy and not very supportive, but I think once he sees that I am okay he will feel better about it. I didn't want either of them to think that Maura made me make this decision, so I explained some more. "Look guys, when I came back after spending 3 weeks here, I thought I could jump back in and be who I was, but something wasn't right with it all anymore. Not because Maura wasn't here, I mean some of it was, but not all of it. Before when I had time off I couldn't wait to get back at it. This last time though, after the 3 weeks with Maura and the kids, I didn't want to come back. I found that I could have happiness in my life, without needing to bust the bad guys. Then when I did return, I tried to throw myself into it, just so I could get over missing Maura. I wasn't the same, I think you guys could tell that. After Hoyt, I probably should have been done, but Maura came into my life and well she helped me to heal, and made the job fun. Not that you guys aren't fun to work with, but Maura gave me a reason to do the job. I realized that without her, I don't hold the passion I once did. I gave this a lot of thought, even if I had not chosen to follow Maura here, If I had stayed in Boston, I would have eventually made the same decision. I would have left the department. 20 years is along time, I have a chance to start over. As for your question Korsak, they have Constables in the town of Barnet, out here is the Sheriff's department and the State Police are in St. Johnsbury, about 20 minutes away. I have not made my mind up yet. I want to enjoy my new life with Maura and the kids for awhile. I am in no hurry to make a decision, but when I do it will be with a clear head. I don't know how much either of you have talked with Maura in these past 6 or 7 months, but even though she is still Maura, she is so much more alive. She is more like the Maura I first met, she is no longer weighed down with all that baggage she obtained these past few years. She has that spark back, and well we are very happy here."

Frost smiled at me and said, "okay you sold me, I can see how this is a real good thing for you. You're right, you have been through more than most cops. I can see how this is a good move for you too. So are you two planning on getting married? Are you adopting her kids? Do we get to call you Mom yet?"

I had to laugh at this, "Funny thing you should ask, I know Maura would want to be in on it, but since you asked I won't lie. Maura and I got married on Monday, and papers are being finalized with the courts, so basically yep, I am a second mom to those munchkins."

Korsak and Frost congratulated me and hugs were given, I knew they would support me and Maura with whatever came our way. That's what you do for family.

We made our way into the house and I saw Jodi and Helen had arrived. I introduced the guys to them and made my way over to Maura. I told her that I told Frost and Korsak, and she informed me that Tommy and Frankie figured it out, So everyone knew and all was well.

Our first Thanksgiving was wonderful, Food, Family, new friends, and some awesome games were enjoyed by all. Once evening came no one wanted to leave, however the roads were starting to get slick and the guys needed to get back. So we put together some care packages and sent them on their way with plans to meet back up in 3 ½ weeks for Christmas. We still planned to go back to Boston and have it in Ma's home now, that way we were the only ones to have to tackle the snow covered roads.

Ma and Constance took charge tonight with their grand babies, which enabled Maura and I to get some much needed rest. Tomorrow we agreed to make some plans for a honeymoon.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

(Maura's POV)

Jane and I decided to spend 3 days, Dec 9 thru the 11th, in the Shelburne and Burlington Area of Vermont. Our plans included going to the Echo Lake Aquarium and Science Center, The Lake Champlain Chocolate Store, The Burlington Brew Tours, and the Vermont Teddy Bear Store.

The Beer tour proved to be most enjoyable. Jane now has 3 new favorites and we stocked up. At the Teddy Bear store Jane and I bought the kids each a bear that fit their personality, as well as a few outfits for them for when the kids were older.

My parents were upset that we felt the need to come back after 3 days, they thought we should at least take a week. I assured them that it was not that we didn't want them to watch them, but the fact that we would miss them too much. They finally came up with a way for us to extend our trip and not be apart from the kids for long.

We would meet them in Manchester, Vermont on the 11th and stay at the Equinox Golf Resort and Spa for an additional 2 nights. With it being late fall and the fact that there was snow on the ground no golfing was going to be enjoyed. However Mother had plans for us to utilize the spa, she made us appointments to have a Swedish massage and a full facial. The rest of the time would be spent shopping and enjoying the local cuisine.

So that is where we find ourselves now. Jane and I had just come back from the spa, after our 3 hour treatment. Mother and Father handed off Billy and Emma, while they went for their couples massage. Once they were done we would meet back up and head to dinner. Tomorrow was going to be an all day shopping extravaganza. While the children were napping, Jane and I worked on a list for what we wanted to buy everyone for Christmas.

Jane stopped writing and said, "Since this is the kids first Christmas I think we could get away with giving them their gifts from us on New Years, that way we won't have to lug it all to Boston and back. I am sure they will be spoiled as it is from everyone else. Especially Emma since she has her first birthday coming up on Dec 28th. I know they are too young to realize what is going on, but I'd like to think of something that we do with them each year for Christmas. Start a family tradition, so that when they are in their teens and think we are extremely boring parents with lives that revolve around their friends, we would still have this one thing that pulls us together."

**(Jane's POV)**

Maura was looking up at me now, she had been laying on the bed on her side writing her lists, and said,

"That is a really nice idea Jane. I have to say the one thing that amazed me most when I met your family, and caused me to be very envious of your childhood, was the traditions you all upheld. Like the first year I came over at Christmas and you and Frankie were cooking your Ma and Pop Breakfast in bed. When I heard that you had been doing it every year since you were 7, I was very touched. So yes I would love to start our own family traditions. Oh and to answer your earlier question, I agree we should hold off on their gifts until New Years."

Maura went back to writing and then shot back up with great concern and said, "Jane, what are we going to do about Christmas Morning? I mean with serving Angela breakfast in bed? Are you going to be okay with it this year?"

I wasn't sure what Maura was all upset about. Ever since my parents divorced we had continued the tradition for just Ma. Frankie, Tommy, Maura and I were all involved with it then. So why the concern, "Maura, we are going to be staying in Boston from Dec 21st until The 28th, so we will still be doing the same stuff as usual."

Maura was kneeling on the bed now and looking at me with worry, "No Jane, I know we can cook it, I am more concerned about how you are going to be delivering it. Damn it Frankie was the one who drew the short straw, not me..."

I cut her off at Damn it, Maura doesn't swear, "Babe, calm down, what was Frankie supposed to tell me? Why are you so worried about me serving Ma? What could be so...OH MY GOD, She is sleeping with SEAN!"

I saw acknowledgment written all across Maura's face, but the worry was gone and now she was smirking at me, holding back laughter. "What the hell Maur, this is not funny! It was bad enough being a teenager and delivering the breakfast to them, knowing Pop slept in his whitey tighteeze, I still shiver at the thought. Now I have to keep myself from thinking about what Sean is wearing, and what he has been doing to my MA, Oh thank God you moved here!"

Maura is in full laughter mode now, when she finally calms down she says, "Jane, It is nice to see your mother happy. Sean is a good man, he deserves to be happy as well. I look at it as a second chance for him to be with someone special. He went 30 years without that, because well you know. Anyways, I think you should tell her that you are happy for her and that you support their relationship. She was very excepting of us, so don't be this way."

I knew Maura was right, and I really did want to see my Ma happy, after what Pop did to her, she deserved to be loved. Sean was a really great guy, even though I had been secretly rooting for Korsak, but then again he was divorced 3 times, there had to be something to it. So okay I was going to be on board. "Okay fine, but we are changing tradition a bit, breakfast will be served in the dining room."

That was when I had enough of the list making and pulled Maura to me. For the next hour we made wild passionate monkey love, and to think the kids were within a few feet of us. They really were good sleepers.

The next day and a half we had a great time with Maura's parents. I got to know her Dad better and I have to say he is a great man. I was able to sneak away a few times while shopping with Maura to buy her some things for Christmas, the rest I could do last minute in Boston. We all made it back home by 7pm and after emptying the 2 vehicles we were all ready for an early night. We let Grandma and Grandpa have the night off and sent them to relax. Maura and I missed our nightly routine with the kids and were happy to get back at it. It was good to be home and in our own bed.

The next morning Dec 15, we fixed Maura's parents a big Vermont Style Breakfast, as our way of thanking them for everything. Today they were heading to their home in Boston and we would see them again on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Then they would be returning to Paris for the new year.

After they had left we just relaxed with the kids, it had been a long week and we wanted to enjoy being home before we would have to leave again at the end of the week. Tomorrow we could worry about wrapping the gifts we bought, today was just about our family.

**(Maura's POV)**

We were almost all set, the truck was packed up with all of the gifts and luggage. It was a good thing that Jane's truck had a hard tonneau cover which would protect all of the items from the weather. I was just getting the kids buckled into their car seats, while Jane went to get Jo Friday. We knew that there wouldn't be room for Bass, so Helen was nice enough to take him in for the week.

This would be my first time back in Boston since leaving back in May. I can't believe how lucky I am. I am married to a wonderful woman, who in all honesty is my true soul mate in life. We have 2 wonderful children and will soon be working on expanding our little family. Emma will be a year old in a week, William just turned 8 months yesterday and Christmas day will be our first month anniversary. So much happiness to be celebrated.

When we arrived at Angela's house we made our way to the guest house. Some may think that it would be weird for me to stay there, but the main house was Angela's now. She had hoped Tommy and Lydia would have excepted her offer to move in, but they had said they were comfortable with where they were. I think they were a bit concerned with their privacy, I couldn't say I blamed them. Angela was always a wonderful house guest, but she could be intrusive at times. Angela had been working on redecorating the past few months, once she wrapped her head around the fact that it was truly her house. She said she couldn't wait to show me.

When we finished getting our stuff put away and the pack and plays set up, we made our way to the main house. I was shocked when we walked in, Angela had really done a makeover. The wall with the fireplace was an accent wall, painted a deep burgundy and the rest of the walls were a golden wheat color, even the ceiling which had been your usual boring white, was now goldish. The furniture was very country. Corduroy covered sofas, oak end tables and coffee table. Jane was a bit shocked, and I think she was waiting for my reaction because she said, "Um, looks like Ma wasn't kidding when she said she made some changes, I think she brought Vermont to Boston. You okay with this Maur?"

"Jane, why wouldn't I be? This is her house now, she can do whatever she would like. I am actually very impressed. This place is warm and inviting, the way a home should be. Before it was just filled with trophies from around the world that held no meaning to anyone but me. I mean look at the kitchen in contrast to the rest of the house. It is too clinical. I think we should add another gift for your mother, I want to give her a gift certificate for a kitchen makeover. She would have fun picking out new cabinets, counter tops and sink. First thing Monday we can go out and find someone who does that sort of thing and set it all up for her. What do you think?"

Jane pulled me into a hug and said, "I think I love you more and more each day. Yes, we should do it for her. Now lets go find out where she went to."

As we called out Angela's name, she called for us to come upstairs. When we got there we found her and Sean sitting in the spare room with Emma and Billy. The room was empty except for a large rug with the alphabet on it. Angela looked up at us and said, "So what did you girls think of the downstairs? Sean has been helping me get it done."

I had a feeling Sean was spending all of his time here, and I was happy that she wasn't trying to do this all be herself. "It is beautiful Angela, and I am happy to hear that you had help. That was a lot to tackle."

Angela swatted her hand at me, "Oh don't be ridiculous, wait until you hear what we are going to do in here for Emma and Billy, so they have a place for when they come to visit."

We then sat down and joined them while they showed us pictures and color samples of what they had planned. I noticed that Jane was watching the interactions of her mother and Sean more than she was paying attention to what Angela was saying. I could only laugh inside, I knew it might take some getting used to, but in the end she would be okay with them.

The next morning was the traditional Christmas Tree Search. Tommy, Frankie, Sean and Jane went to find the perfect tree, while Angela, Lydia and I made Sunday dinner. By the time the tree hunters returned they were cold, wet and hungry. But before they went about taking showers, they wanted to unload the tree and get it setup by the fireplace.

An hour later they were all freshened up and ready to eat. When we finished eating it was time to decorate the tree. While we were placing the ornaments on Angela decided to drop some news for her kids. "So I guess there is no time like the present since I have all of my kids attention here, Um.. As you are aware Sean and I have been dating for almost a year now, and well I asked Sean to come and live with me. (all the kids look to Sean and then back to Angela) He said yes, and has been here since I came back from Maura and Jane's after Thanksgiving. (When it looked like Jane was about to say something, Angela stopped her) There's more, this past Friday night, Sean asked me to marry to him, and I said yes."

**(Jane's POV)**

I wasn't shocked about them living together, I kinda figured that out for myself. However I was a little surprised at the marriage proposal. I don't know why, but I thought Ma wouldn't have wanted marriage again. As I allowed the news to settle in, I realized that everyone else around me had been congratulating them and were now looking to me for my reaction. I shook my head and then smiled as I said, "I'm sorry, I guess I was a little shocked, but I am happy for you both. Sean you make my Ma happy, and I never thanked you before, so thank you. Welcome to the family. Now Emma and William have 2 complete sets of grandparents."

Sean gave me a hug and said, "Thank you Jane, I have to say I was worried about your reaction, but I am glad you can see how much I love your mother. I am also looking forward to my new role as Papa. I know Maura's dad is Grandpa, so I figured I should have a different name. I know that Angela is Nona, but I can't wrap my head around being called Nono, so as long as you and Maura are okay with Papa, that's what I would like. TJ is the one who put that in my head, he has been calling me that for the past few months."

I looked to Maura who was smiling and saw her nod her head at me, "that would be great, Papa it is. I have to admit we never called our grandfather Nono either." We all laughed at that and then went about finishing up the tree.

The next few days went by really fast and before we knew it Christmas had arrived and went. Today was our last day in Boston, we would be leaving in the morning to head home. It was December 28th, Emma's first birthday.

**(Maura's POV)**

Today was my daughter's first birthday. I didn't know where the time had gone. I decided a few months back that when the children would have birthday's that I wanted them to be themed. Each year would have a different one, and as they got older, they could help choose what that theme would be.

I knew Jane was having nightmares over my decision for the 1st years theme, but she would have to deal. I chose a color as the theme, Pink. There were pink unicorns, hearts, flowers, you name it, and it was pink. Emma was dressed in a very pretty pink velvet dress with black tulle stripping and black leotards to accent.

Angela and I had made pink cupcakes for her birthday, with the number one on each of them. Pink lemonade was the drink of choice, along with Pork loin, strawberry applesauce and pink mashed potatoes for the main course.

Jane admitted that everything was beautiful and after capturing it all on video she said, "when she is older and sees this, she will know all the love that you put into her 1st birthday. She is one lucky girl to have you for her Mom."

With the birthday party at a close, I took Emma and got her cleaned up for the night. She received a new pair of PJ's from Korsak, they were purple and said Mom's Princess on them. Jane had already given Billy a bath and was presently rocking him to sleep. It had become a habit that my father had started. We could not get him to go to bed otherwise, I felt bad but Jane seemed to enjoy this new routine. She called it her bonding time, she thought she needed to make up time with them or something. I told it was just good practice for our future babies.

Once the kids were down for the night we laid in bed talking.

"Jane, now that we have been here in Boston for the week, do you miss it? Are you sorry we aren't going to live here? Please be honest with me."

Jane didn't respond right away which had me a little worried, but then she said, "When we were driving here last week I was a bit scared. I thought that I would have regrets, even find that I missed going to the job. However the opposite happened. After the first night, I found that I missed our home. I missed the smells and sounds, the quiet. I thought that when I saw Korsak, Sean and Frost that I would want to start talking to them about cases. That wasn't what happened either, I found myself telling them about Billy and Emma. What our plans were for the cabin and how I couldn't wait to get started on it. So honestly I cannot imagine my life being any different than where we are at right now. I love you, the kids, our home. I love our plans for the future and I am very happy."

I smiled at Jane and cuddled even closer into her side, "I am very happy as well. I love you and our beautiful children. I think we have a wonderful future ahead of us. In a few days we will be into a New Year, and I know what my resolution is going to be. I am going to get pregnant. How does that sound?"

Jane pulled into a kiss and then said, "That is my resolution as well, I mean not me getting pregnant, but helping you to get pregnant. I can't wait to experience it with you. I know I have not talked about going back to work or anything, but I just want to take my time. I want to make sure that what I choose to do is right for all of us. I have some ideas, but I am not going to share them with you as of yet. When the time comes, I will let you in on it, but for now I just want to enjoy the stay at home family life. On less of course you think I should go get a job."

I moved myself so that I was laying on top of Jane now, and said "You never have to go back to work if you don't want to, but I know in time you will need to do something to keep yourself occupied. So take as long as you want. I plan on waiting until they are ready for preschool, then I will figure out something to do as well. You know the state of our finances, so you know that we could live comfortably for the rest of our lives and still be able to send all of our kids, present and future ones, to college. So lets live life one day at a time, and enjoy the moments."

From that point on all conversation stopped and we made love for the rest of our time in Boston.

It just goes to show that Honesty is the best policy. When you are honest with those that you love, only good will come of it.

A/N: Okay so that is it for now. I will be back with a sequel in the near future. We will learn then which career Jane chose, as well as how many babies may have been made or adopted. Until then thank you for taking the time to read, and giving your support. :)


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